Have you ever noticed that you and your partner keep having essentially the same fight over and over again? No matter what the topic, whenever you get into an argument, does it always seems to follow the same trajectory and turn out the same way? That's usually because you are shadowboxing with the wrong person.
This snapshot of a therapy draws the curtain back on a dance that I see often in my office. Two caring people, inhabiting an unsatisfying relationship, and not sure how they got there. Discovering these tensions and bringing them into the open often helps break through the lukewarm temperature in these relationships.
No one else can answer these questions for me. I know that. But if you have similar experiences I would be happy to hear how you've managed to continue or have you left the sinking relationSHIP. I feel like there's still a chance if we light up our fire and manage to really commit and trust each other.
We need to relearn what helping really means, and what we actually need and want from each other, and for ourselves -- the presence and love that we truly crave. Simultaneously, we need to be able to recognize and voice our real longing -- to be known deeply, really listened to, and not fixed. This experience, at its core, is love.