There's a strange phenomenon that can occur when talking to someone we might be romantically interested in, versus conversing with almost anyone else -- friends, coworkers, clerks, servers: Alien life-forms take over our mouths. We clam up. Or we say inane things.
eens learn to negotiate their feelings and relationships while they are still young and under your roof. As we all know, relationships and healthy dating take a lot of practice and trial and error.
All of us face challenges in relationships. No matter how beautiful the relationship, disagreement is an unavoidable part of loving another human. As a therapist I see clients every day who have lost family members and lovers to conflict.
Especially if you're shy or tend to be anxious, those first date jitters can translate into full blown dating anxiety, which can be paralyzing. The days and hours leading up to a date can be worry-filled, and you may even avoid dating altogether if it's too intense.
I'm pretty sure more than one person has thought that, with our similar hair, skin and eye colors, that we were either brother and really older sister or mom and son, but the pros far outweigh the cons in our relationship.
Have you ever noticed that some men seem relaxed, content and satisfied as they embark on a new relationship? Beginning an alliance with seemingly unlimited opportunities can make one feel fantastic, hopeful and euphoric. Both of you want to be with someone who is self-confident, at ease and prepared to enjoy each other's company.
I mean, I know this date is fun, and I'm cute and bubbly, but let's not pretend that we have a future together. I don't need the heartbreak in two years from now when we wake up and you're leaving me because you want to play catch with your future son.
It's OK to want more. It's OK to expect certain things. It's OK to want to wait for the right person. Being "nice" does not equate to being weak, passive, or without a personality.
And then NED came into my life. No Evidence of Disease. While I completely respect and embrace my friends who identify themselves as "survivors," that word has always left more questions than answers for me. So I decided to date NED.
I open the envelope, the glossy pictures sticking to my fingers and to one another. The first one I don't recognize -- it's somewhere in the woods, but not my woods. The second one I don't recognize either -- it's cliffs and water, yellow flowers. Confusion crawls over me.
As night falls and darkness rolls in, I picture you sitting there, knuckles white as a ghost as you clasp your cold phone, laughing hysterically with your girlfriends. Laughing because I said too much, or maybe too little, or took too long.
I believe in marriage for all and I do think it is the foundation of our society. Still, at this stage of the game, both of us in middle age, I don't know. We have seven grown children between us, we have past lives, alimony, life insurance policies, ex-spouses that are still going to be part of our lives. Why now? Why not now? What is the answer?
Make sure, before you start looking for a new relationship, that you understand what you're looking for and why you're looking for it.
"Men are crafty, yes, and we help them by choosing to ignore the red flags in the relationship. If we're comfortable, and we like the guy, we're going to wear our blinders and hope for something more."
Personally, I would prefer to marry a junior high school teacher than a guy who was spending every second at his job, even if he was pulling in a million dollars a year.
One size doesn't fit all. A woman attracts a man based on who she is as an individual, not just by her looks, body and charm.