I strongly believe that anything a child can do for herself, she should do for herself. Given the countless things that a 10-year-old genuinely needs assistance with, I encourage you to let her do things on her own whenever she can. Here's my advice.
As far as I can tell, JJ's the most gregarious and extroverted child there. And by "there" I mean anywhere. He's on this adventure and I'm along for the ride, making sure he doesn't run too far ahead, knock anyone over, or cross the street without holding my hand.
I can't be present for every decision she'll make, now or later, to offer advice for her to follow or ignore; she needs to develop her ability take stock of whatever situation and moment she's in and then make good choices.
If you scold him, you will come across not as his caring wife, but as his shaming mother. This will no doubt trigger his old childhood pain, reinforcing his resistance to your input.
In trying to be collaborative, acknowledge my son's feelings and be authoritative instead of authoritarian, I made the biggest parenting mistake of all. I forgot I am the parent and I am in control.
Being willing (and tough enough) to keep practicing something hard gives us a sense of pride and inner strength. It connects us to ourselves in a very profound way.
If we listen to the words of authors, therapists and coaches, we come to believe that in order to lose weight we need to be disciplined. However, this advice is only half true and can easily betray our best efforts, goals and intentions.
Very few of us have perfect self-control, but importantly, many of us are well aware of our limited power to say no. So it's sometimes possible to anticipate times of weakness and devise ways to restrict our own freedom.
Our problem is, while we want to refrain from any violent or loud reaction, eventually, the emotion has been suppressed for so long, it erupts like a volcano, and displaces our logic. Rational leaders become irrational as they react to repeated problem behavior. It is punitive, not redemptive in nature.
I may have been an actual villain in my house, but my boys were heroes. That's more important to me. I'm currently growing a mustache so I can twirl it the next time this happens.
Pushing and pulling kids to do things they have to do can be maddening. It is very important that we raise our children to be true to their word.
Jaden Smith, the son of Will and Jada is back in the news, opining on the inherent lack of value of school and education.
You had this expression like you were expecting a high five. "Yeah, put it here, dude, you really told that young mother and her 3-year-old off! Nice!" Is that how you thought I'd respond?
Orderly classrooms are not ends in themselves; they seem to be the preconditions for learning. In 55 countries and economies that participated in PISA 2009, students in schools where the classroom climate is more conducive to learning tend to perform better.
Now, here's the sticky wicket for many of us: Do you tell the kid's parents that their beloved has behaved poorly post-play-date?
When I call my child's actions a behavior, when I label it "a tantrum," it kind of lets me off the hook. Oh, that's a tantrum. He has the problem. He needs to learn. It sets us up for a power struggle.