As I was up to my elbows in compost and worms the other day, it occurred to me that divorce is a lot like gardening: it's hard work, takes an enormous amount of time, and the results are never guaranteed.
I urge you to be ready to combine your wholesome work ethic (that has doubtless been the first inspiration for what are now literally thousands of single mothers) with a dash of your stepmother's poison ... The big lesson here, Snow White? Don't be afraid to let your chutzpah show.
Once the divorce was finalized, I was like a 21-year-old let out at a bar for the first time.
Even if that intense chemistry leads to what psychologist Erich Fromm in The Art of Loving referred to as conscious commitment, some of those couples will invariably end up dividing assets at an attorney's office.
Perhaps almost as bad a going through a divorce yourself is watching someone you love go through one. Whether it's a parent, a son, a daughter, or a close relative or friend, seeing someone in that kind of pain can cause you anxiety and make you feel helpless and frustrated.
I was recently contacted to potentially mediate a litigated divorce matter prior to trial, which is rapidly approaching. My name had been included on a list from the attorneys, along with two other mediators.
The official document that finalizes your divorce is called a "decree." It's a formal, legal acknowledgement that your marriage is over. But long before you reach that official milestone, you must take ongoing, decisive action to ensure your personal well-being.
Today's content heart could be tomorrow's broken one. Even when promises of forever have been made, I don't assume divorce won't happen to me, to us.
Summer is a time for vacations, romance, relaxing and fun in the sun, sea and sand. Everyone loves this season... well almost everyone. Did you know that the rate of divorce skyrockets following this normally pleasurable time?
I'm not going to tell you what your Sunday school teacher thinks you should do. I'm going to give you the advice that your best friend would give you (if she were totally cool and after she'd had a few glasses of wine). I'm gonna get real.
You don't have to make the same mistakes that so many other people make.
Enjoy something out of every day. Because an ugly divorce means lots of unpredictability and bombs dropped. It feels uneasy and creepy and scary.
Start by giving your divorce superhero a name: Resilient Rita or Strong Sam will do. Then, when you're tempted to crumble into a pint of Ben and Jerrys, or send that scathing email to your in-laws, or tell your ex you never, ever loved him/her, ask what your superhero would do.
If weddings are the splash and fizz of opening night on Broadway, marriage is the slog of the dozens, hundreds, thousands of performances that follow. How are couples supposed to maintain the best parts of the early days of their relationship amid the slings and arrows of day-to-day life?
There are countless reasons why people get divorced, but they all the reasons come down to one commonality: one or both people in the marriage decided they would be happier alone rather than staying married.
When I got a question from a reader asking, Is it normal to have second thoughts about divorce? I smiled sadly, and answered to myself, "I don't think it's normal NOT to have second thoughts about divorce."