Here are 10 signs you're over your ex -- for good.
It starts out with a few random searches. You can't stop. You are suddenly a Chardonnay-fueled Sherlock Holmes. You check his friend's updates. Their party photos. Who's connected. Who's new. You spend hours obsessing and recreating the details of what he's probably been up to.
Recently, divorce struck a little too close to home, and I flipped right out. A family I love faces divorce. Children I feel connected to are reacting to the news. And I am a child again. Night fills me with dread. My sleep is disturbed.
A friend of mine, who is married, recently told me about a girlfriend of hers who is divorced and who right around the same time she began a new relationship was diagnosed with breast cancer. My friend said this: "Can you imagine having breast cancer and not even having a partner to help you through it?"
When my husband and I first separated, I made a point of regularly posting pictures of myself on social media showing how fabulous my newly single life was. However, the real story was that I wasn't doing very well.
Marcy hadn't worked in four years and suddenly was faced with an amazing six-figure job offer -- but the offer came right in the middle of her extremely nasty divorce. "Should I take it?" she asked. "What about child support? Alimony? Custody?" My answer was absolutely YES -- take the job!
While celebrities aren't always the best examples for how to handle all life situations (ahem), you've got to hand it to 'em, they do divorce with aplomb, equanimity, and grace. Or, at least that's what we see ...
I think it's ok to have regrets, to think about them and to verbalize them. However, there comes a time when regrets need to be put to rest, not focused upon and pushed out of that space in your head that can choose to hold positive or negative thoughts.
My ex has a girlfriend. I don't know how serious it is or how serious it isn't, but she's there. Just hanging out on his Facebook page, silently. She's there, just casually mentioned by him a month ago.
That first year after your divorce can be a real humdinger.
As I was up to my elbows in compost and worms the other day, it occurred to me that divorce is a lot like gardening: it's hard work, takes an enormous amount of time, and the results are never guaranteed.
I urge you to be ready to combine your wholesome work ethic (that has doubtless been the first inspiration for what are now literally thousands of single mothers) with a dash of your stepmother's poison ... The big lesson here, Snow White? Don't be afraid to let your chutzpah show.
Once the divorce was finalized, I was like a 21-year-old let out at a bar for the first time.
Even if that intense chemistry leads to what psychologist Erich Fromm in The Art of Loving referred to as conscious commitment, some of those couples will invariably end up dividing assets at an attorney's office.
Perhaps almost as bad a going through a divorce yourself is watching someone you love go through one. Whether it's a parent, a son, a daughter, or a close relative or friend, seeing someone in that kind of pain can cause you anxiety and make you feel helpless and frustrated.
I was recently contacted to potentially mediate a litigated divorce matter prior to trial, which is rapidly approaching. My name had been included on a list from the attorneys, along with two other mediators.