Like the good little Catholic girl that I was, I said my prayers every night. And I prayed to God, begging and pleading with everything I had to bargain, to get my period and be just like the other girls.
How many teens actually die of embarrassment anyway? And you can't count the time I went to pick up the pizza in my pajama bottoms and his dad's winter boots. When you're 16 years old, the answer is every day, and every time, your mother is near you, living and breathing.
I promise not to flop onto her bed when her friends are over, fan out a bunch of Tiger Beat magazines and ask, "So who do you guys think is cuter? Zack from Saved by the Bell, or Ricky from Silver Spoons?"*
My son is becoming more of a person everyday, and the butt-scratching freedom of toddlerhood is disappearing. I mourn for it a bit because I know he'll never be that unselfconscious again. And that means he is growing up.
Is it too late to get your deposits back? Don't marry the wrong person. Throw a party instead, host a reunion, feed the hungry. Celebrate the awesome achievement of choosing happiness over fear! Let others manage their own reactions, and if they want to judge you, let 'em.
The people who have had hostile reactions to my diet -- despite my best attempts to stay under their radar -- are either overeaters or heavy drinkers, or both. Once they fire a shot, I back away. Call me crazy. And while you're at it, color me healthy. And very happy.
Remember the last time you were gossiping on the phone with a friend or the last time you were unusually judgmental? Your teens are paying attention and will be happy to point out how what you say and do aren't consistent. Be careful.
Nathan Barnatt is an amazing comedian and has made a huge name for himself by putting out YouTube videos playing different characters. My fave character is Trale Lewous, "self-proclaimed spokeperson for candy."