I spent most of last week convinced of my own total ineptitude. You know how it looks when everything someone touches turns to gold? Think the exact opposite of that and you're hanging with me in my week.
Isn't it amazing how it's possible to never have a minute alone and yet to be heart-achingly lonely at the same time?
This isn't a story about regret or failure. I raise my voice because I do a lot as a parent, because there's a lot going on. We all have a lot going on. And kids don't listen all the time, nor should they be expected to.
My baby was bald for her first two full years. Desperate to make her look girlier, I tracked down non-slip hair clips for "ultra fine baby hair" and stuck them on her two strands of hair. When I look back at photos, it just looks like she has a piece of felt glued to her bald head. Major fail.
Twitter lies. There are definitely more than 140 characters allowed in the Twittersphere. Here are some of the many idiots and characters that you follow on Twitter.
In my mind I was making an incredible jacket, but one mistake led to another mistake and in then end I had spent $80 on materials and 12 hours on a hideous jacket that I will never wear. As with my (many) DIY disasters in the past, I had to go through 5 stages of recovery.
I'm not sure if I can change my daughter's nature, either. I'm not even sure I should. So much about her is beautiful and kind and right, and even if it's all wrapped up in a shell more fragile than others, is it my place to judge?
I'm not alone here, right? In being a special occasion-challenged parent, I mean. Even if my Facebook newsfeed would lead me to believe otherwise, surely, there are other mothers out there who do the bare minimum when it comes to seasonal activities and special events?
Hot flashes, insomnia and foggy brain can drive you over the edge, so you consider hormone therapy or HRT and then remember about the things you've read about HRT and heart disease. What is that all about and which part is factual?
Oh, Pinterest. I can't buy coconut oil at the local bodega. I've got to drive to Whole Foods. They keep those well away from bus routes. Anyway, coconut oil runs about eight bucks a jar, and most Whole Foods stores don't take WIC.
My little brother and I were in the bath and we were having so much fun, you know, splashing water at each other and emptying water buckets on the floor. And then I thought of a really cool game, really, it was the COOLEST game.
There are these weird not-so-sweet spots you hit as a grownup -- like the possibility of battling zits and gray hair at the same time. There's also the moment when you switch from stressing over how your parents screwed you up to stressing over how you're screwing up your own kids.
Spending time with my go-lightly 8-year-old feels a lot like the last day of summer holiday -- beautiful and aching at the same time.
Worried you'll have a rogue wedding guest? We've all been to at least one wedding with a guest who made us cringe, but these stories help put everything into perspective.
One of the main reasons people tweet from the wrong account is because they mix personal and business accounts all in one app. The easiest way to solve this problem and from what I've found most effective is to use two different apps for business and personal use.
Check out Tom Falco's cartoons daily at Tomversation.com or at the iPhone app Comic Chameleon....