If you have something to say...
Say it on the Huffington Post
If you have something to say...
Say it on the Huffington Post
The quicker women begin to see the importance of uplifting each other rather than knocking each other down, the better off we'll be.
Sometimes, I think these endings would be easier if we experienced big blowout, a friendship Armageddon, a pivotal unforgivable event -- to somehow mark the end. At least then you would know, why and when to say goodbye, when to put it in the "give away" pile.
We lived through every major news event together, both as journalists and New Yorkers... from that terrible day in September when I couldn't reach her on her cell, to the war, to the August blackout that found us sleeping in my Upper East Side apartment.
We live better, longer, healthier and happier lives when we are linked with other women in a circle of trust.
Maybe I'm just giving myself a public pep talk, trying to convince myself that the tension in a relationship or two of my own will fade in favor of an even stronger bond.
Some weeks ago, I had two exhilarating experiences. I decided to reconnect with old friends. These weren't guys I knew from let's say, 10 or 15 years ago. The friendships went very far back.
Here's my take: I think there are qualities within heterosexual male-to-male friendships that -- if we emulated -- would mitigate a great deal of our intra-female drama.
As the weather warms up, and you trade in your winter weather wear for lighter garb, I invite you to evaluate the bags you carry around -- that stoop your shoulders, leech your energy and distract your mind.
Like so many others, I find myself 'pruning' my address book as I get older; yes, some because they are no longer with us, but others as I realize they really aren't the people I choose to spend these precious years with.
I believe that many of us do have a few different dreams that co-exist. Choice, circumstance, hard work and making your own luck... we all end up on our own unique path, going our own unique direction.
You know it's a friendship you should keep when you show up to her house 25 minutes late, toss the contents of your purse all over her sparkling clean table and announce "WAX IT ON THE COUNT OF THREE!" and she obeys.
My friends and I have what we call wine emergencies. Anytime someone is feeling overwhelmed by raising children, a husband who doesn't always quite "get it," a bad day at work or all of the above, we can call a wine emergency.
Whether it's because you've undergone a life transition that made you grow apart from old friends -- a relocation, a job change, a divorce, a marriage, becoming a parent -- or whether you've just recognized that many of your friendships have gradually faded (or worse, become toxic), you're never alone if you're looking to make new friendships.
It turns out I have some friend circles I need to develop to live a happier, healthier life, and some priorities I need to evaluate. As Shasta Nelson helped me understand in our conversation below, friendships don't "just happen." We have to do the work.
When it comes to dating, we implicitly acknowledge that it takes time before we can both simply assume that we're hanging out this weekend without asking each other. With female friendship, we lack language to articulate those stages.
When we can be honest about a friendship, and about the season of life that the friendship belongs in, then, we can be truly grateful for the miracle that a friendship is. Trying to force a friendship to keep bearing fruit past its season is a disservice to its profound nature.
