I can still picture the bright Sunday afternoon my friend Melissa, also known as "Aunt Melissa," surprised us with the red betta fish.
Engineering: Knowing how to install a car seat and feel confident about it, because tensile strength. Chemistry: Knowing that an unstirred cocktail will get me drunk faster, because viscosity.
She had picked up two prescriptions from the pharmacy, driven home and brought them into the bathroom. A close inspection of each tube revealed nothing that would help her to distinguish the rash cream from the ointment that was supposed to be placed inside her hoo-ha.
I'm simply not about to preemptively beg forgiveness in case my son disturbs your flight, and I'm certainly not going to pay some kind of tax to every other passenger just because my wife and I wanted to get away for a few days and we figured our son might want to come along.
When I was in my late teens, my mother would always tell me she planned to come to my adult home, turn my ceiling fan on high, and throw toys into it, just like I'd done when I was a kid.
After all the years we have spent looking into mirrors, why is it that we didn't have a clue what was going to happen to our bodies after age 50?
"Y'know, Agent Carter, I just happened to have heard by chance that the sale of marijuana is now legal in Colorado.'' "Yes, that's true." ''I was wondering... you guys have any kind of Honorary Citizen Program?"
Just like real dating, I had to put myself out there: I made eye contact; I was approachable; I was friendly; I visited the same places again and again, so I could see the same moms again and again; I asked for phone numbers. The worst part? I had an unreliable wingman.
With kids around, my husband and I have to get creative with how we flirt, communicate desire and find privacy. And it's amazing the things we now find to be quite flirtatious and sexy.
I had no clue that babies could ONLY communicate through crying. I never imagined that toddlers were actually little humans that needed to constantly test the world. I never imagined that 5 and 6-year-olds were so sure they had life all figured out, thanks to the toddler testing phase.
We all battle fear and nerves. Think of a time when you beat fear. You got the deal, aced the presentation or cracked the Rubix cube. You did the following in each of those cases:
I was sipping on a glass of Chardonnay. My niece was sipping on an iced tea; my mother was drinking water -- apparently the "unfiltered" kind.
Summer days can be looong when you have kids at home, so I did a bit of research on Pinterest and came up with a 31-day plan to keep us occupied.
Kids really don't care at all about what happens in the future unless by "the future" you mean the next eight seconds.
So you've decided to breastfeed. Fantastic! Breastfeeding is a wonderful way to nourish your baby while establishing early bonding. Unfortunately, breast milk comes out of breasts so there are a few ground rules that we need to cover.
While many of us assumed and understood this fabricated Minnesota politician to be a joke, it seems large swathes of the population truly believed "Michele Bachmann" to be a bona fide person.