Did you spy the wicked grille up there, junior? How 'bout them sweet curves on the rear taillights, young whippersnapper? Word. That's how I roll.
Now, you may be thinking, "Who does this cat think he is? Why does he deserve to be in a rap video more than my precious Fluffy?" Well, I can give you a good reason. In fact, I can give you 5 good reasons!
Trying to watch the Golden Globes with a 6- and 8-year-old is like George Bailey trying to get out of Bedford Falls. It just ain't gonna happen. No matter how bad you want it to.
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Let me first state that I am not a hater. I can be a wee bit judgmental at times, but I love people and am generally very accepting. I try to find the good in everyone. Despite the above, I cannot find a nice word to say about Michael Bolton's Holiday Honda commercials. I have to hit mute or change the channels each time one comes on.
There are no rules in Disney about what you can and cannot say, but I'm gonna guess if there were some set of commandments -- screaming "Mickey's dead?" in a crowded line would be get you sent to some jail-land where the guards have oversized heads and the bars are soft yet, non-penetrable.
There are some deep cultural implications that we can glean from this here saggy boob or perceived saggy boob syndrome. The truth is, my boobs aren't really THAT saggy, but I think what's deceptive about their downward persuasion is that they're REAL!
"I'm so sorry to crash your wedding, but our bure mom forced it. I just got here and had no idea what was going on," I explain through my plastic smile. The bride and groom both reassure me that everyone staying on Turtle Island during a grand wedding is invited to be a part of the party.
"There's only two types of people in the world. The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe." -- Britney Spears Dear Britney, I'm scared shitl...
Many times, the person is aware, and even proud, he or she has said something humorous. Then we laugh with the person -- not at them. These moments can be among the most precious we will ever have with our loved ones.
Going on a long road trip with kids is kind like watching a Ken Burns documentary. You have a feeling you should be enjoying it, but you're really not. And you end up just wanting to take a nap.
You really need to be on your toes when you meet Jill Morrison! She has super quick wit and improvisation skills that put me to shame.
Check out Tom Falco's cartoons daily at Tomversation.com or at the iPhone app Comic Chameleon....
Children are like snowflakes -- annoying, loud, inconvenient, smelly snowflakes. They're all annoying and loud and inconvenient and smelly in their own unique ways.
Loo, john, latrine, oval office, outhouse, W.C., throne room -- whatever you call it, it's a place we all have to visit sometime, no matter where we are in the world. But while the experience is universal, the way we label the space varies greatly.