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Why I Prefer Side-by-Side to 'Top' or 'Bottom'

Jeremy Helligar | Posted 10.21.2014 | Gay Voices
Jeremy Helligar

My preferring not to have intercourse might be less about a distaste for the actual act (or pain, or boredom) than it is about the way in which too many guys approach it, not just as the endgame but as the only way to truly score.

Tops and Bottoms: 'Are You the Man or the Woman?'

Donovan Thompson | Posted 07.15.2014 | Gay Voices
Donovan Thompson

I can admit now, after years of "doing the work," that I was terrified of bottoming, because I didn't want to be perceived as anything other than a man. I convinced myself that topping was the only dignified position. Here are my top five "learnings" from my cake-clenching, chastity-belt-wearing days.

Top Privilege?

Zach Stafford | Posted 11.16.2013 | Gay Voices
Zach Stafford

My friends and I have begun joking about what we call "top privilege," meaning that men who identify as tops have inherently greater privileges than do bottoms. Recently I began to think about this more, asking: Is there really privilege in being a top?

Coming Out As A 'Side'... Guilt-Free

Michael Rohrer | Posted 07.02.2013 | Gay Voices
Michael Rohrer

I've been punishing myself for years, but not identifying as a top, a bottom or versatile doesn't make me less attracted to men, less of a sexual being or less of a gay man. And it doesn't have to make my sex life less exciting either.

Gay Sensibility On Sexual Compatibility

Joe Kort, Ph.D. | Posted 06.24.2013 | Gay Voices
Joe Kort, Ph.D.

Since my last blog post, in which I introduced the term "sides" to describe gay men who simply don't prefer anal sex, I've received many emails from gay men who do prefer anal sex who describe the problems they encounter when they find themselves in bed with a side.

Guys On The 'Side': Looking Beyond Gay Tops And Bottoms

Joe Kort, Ph.D. | Posted 06.16.2013 | Gay Voices
Joe Kort, Ph.D.

What if a guy isn't a top, a bottom or even versatile? What about gay men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever? I think they deserve a name of their own. I call them "sides," and they typically struggle with tremendous feelings of shame.

We Need To Talk About Butt Sex

Mark O'Connell, L.C.S.W. | Posted 12.05.2014 | Gay Voices
Mark O'Connell, L.C.S.W.

Without consulting each other about anal sex, we lack the best tips for safety, cleanliness and achieving maximum pleasure, a problem for the young and/or sexually inexperienced, who may have to endure unnecessary confusion, embarrassment or pain during intercourse.

How To Find Your Man

Marten Weber | Posted 07.01.2013 | Gay Voices
Marten Weber

Internet and mobile apps are directing us to make statements about our preferences so that others can choose. But do we really know what we want? Guys with macho top profiles may turn out to be sweet and kind bottoms. The last "power sub" I hooked up with ended up doing me.