Girlfriends Guide

Youth is so beautiful and I was reminded again of this at Coachella. The girls with their faintly sunburned cheeks looked as ripe and fresh as nectarines and most of the boys still had faint traces of the baby faces they'd had six or seven years ago.

I never pictured myself one of those sentimental mothers who would add emotional significance to Senior Prank Night or Mystery Night. I felt more contemporary than that. But I was delusional.

The more cowardly we become about fat and the longer we pretend that we can continue eating while our bodies revolt against us by getting sicker and sicker, the more we fail our children and their children.

Let's not get distracted by asking why in the world I would ever even think I might need personal protection -- my delusions are my own business.

I may not suffer from nightmares, but I can scare the hell out of myself in the five or 10 minutes before unconsciousness. Most nights, I don't want to be alone with my mind in complete silence and darkness.

David Letterman is this week's Exhibit A in the ongoing case of Powerful Men v. Sexual Integrity, having climbed over Roman Polanski, who was last week's winner. Congratulations, David.

There is no question in my mind that Michaele and her husband flew through the security posts at the White House dinner for the Indian president because she was a confident and attractive blonde.

It was one thing last year for everyone to hunker down into a holiday of uncertainty and frugality, but this year the pretend-poor has turned into real poor, which is much less fun.

Why is there all this sentimentalism and taking of sides on the issue of whether film director Roman Polanski should serve his time?

When I heard that the same parents who fail to go to Open House Night to meet the teachers who spend every day teaching our kids decided that watching the President of the United States address them was something they could not allow, I staggered.

Then came the divorce, the brand new home, the brand new furniture and my best efforts to create a lovely and peaceful haven for myself and my kids. I would never have mentioned the dogs and their continued residence with Dad at the old house...

Yes, Anne Heche, you can say "lazy ass" on television. The question is, should you? And the answer is, it's never appropriate when you are talking about the father of your child.

The reality is, losing a beloved is life-altering. We recover, but we are never the same. Everyone, if they we lucky, experiences grief and needs the protection and gentleness of those around us.

There will be many of you who read this and say, "A woman should be able to find all these romances in one marriage!" To the rest of us I say, God bless those of us who get a third time at bat!

We may be divorcing, but the father of my kids is still one of the funniest guys I know. He and I were talking on the phone recently and he explained ...

When I noticed last winter that a person does not only get gray hair on her curtains, but that sooner or later it's bound to show up on her carpet, I did what any fastidious woman would do -- I consulted my girlfriends.

It takes an extraordinary amount of energy and time, with no little courage thrown in, to be single and out in the world.

In the past five years, I've been stunned by how many of my formerly married-with-children girlfriends have bolted from their traditional family geometry and found true love with other women.

Evidently I filed for divorce on my husband's birthday. I only found out when I read it on a gossip site under the headline, "Playboy Model Has Special Birthday Gift for Music Mogul Husband: Divorce."