On December 17, The CW's "Gossip Girl" reaches its conclusion, capping off six seasons of metatextual self-awareness, shameless fourth wall breakage and unabashed self-absorption. It will also be the end of a colorful era in TV recapping.
The TV ecosystem is large and diverse. There are lazy soaps and 'roided jocks, wino mothers and Syfy nerds. So, in the tradition of Sir David Attenborough, I've decided to take a deeper look at nine of the most common species of TV Viewer.
I'm not sure whether the nostalgia is getting to me or whether this episode sucked a little less than we've come to expect, but despite "The Revengers" having one of the most ridiculous scenes in "GG" history, I found that I didn't constantly want to gouge my eyes out while watching it. Progress!
I will say one thing for this season of "Gossip Girl": It's a ballsy move for a TV show to turn our POV character into the series' true villain.
When The CW's teen drama Gossip Girl leapt onto television screens in 2007, it served the purpose indicated by its title. Simply put, it made millions of girls gossip. Now in its sixth and final season, it has, most would admit, fallen from grace.
It appears that I spoke too soon when dubbing "Portrait of a Lady Alexander" the ickiest episode of "Gossip Girl" to date -- that was before we'd witnessed Ivy trying to screw her way through every father on the Upper East Side.
"Vile" was the perfect catch-up for any viewer who has suffered a blunt force head trauma over the past six years and forgotten everything that's happened up until this point; the characters were all doing their best to remind us about things that happened as recently as last week.
This week's episode wasn't as awful as last week's bland installment, but only because the show threw an incomprehensible stream of plot twists at us to distract from its overall ridiculousness.
Everyone's either going to end up in jail or involved in an orgy by the end of the season, but I'm mostly just hoping that rocks fall and kill them all.
Fun Size is not as good as Gossip Girl or The O.C., but it's still unmistakably the work of Josh Schwartz.
This week's episode wasn't quite as infuriatingly regressive as 602, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to feel much empathy for any of the characters when they're all such manipulative, selfish wastes of oxygen. (I know, welcome to the entire premise of the show.)
After last week's brief, blissful injection of wit and logical storytelling, episode two of "Gossip Girl's" final season snapped back to inanity faster than you can shout "Dorota!"
"Gone Maybe Gone" succeeded in recapturing some of the sparkle that's been missing. There were knowing winks and sharp one-liners, with all of the characters generally behaving like sane and rational versions of themselves (except for Georgina).
Five little seasons ago, Twitter seemed very avant garde and bloggers were just a whisper away. Now, "Fashion Social Influencers" are commanding the front row, pulling in advertisers and becoming renowned style experts.
The year I moved to Manhattan, Gossip Girl premiered. I was infatuated with the show's fabricated lifestyle. It took only about three months for my illusions to get shattered.
I am not James Franco, obviously. The only similarity I have to the characters on Girls is I'm a writer/journalist, but I'm not struggling. Your average guy would never want to watch Gossip Girl, but they may just want to tune in to Girls. Why? As simple as it sounds, it's real -- on multiple levels.