I believe in fighting about the present, not the past. If something happened 10 years ago, there's little that can be done about it now. Consistently dredging up bad memories creates a cycle of blame and regret that isn't helpful to any marriage.
It's not possible for the weather to be 70 degrees with a light breeze every day, and it's not possible for relationships to go smoothly all the time. There are going to be glitches, and we can get better at dealing with them.
Snap judgments are a form of positional thinking -- right/wrong, good/bad, desirable/undesirable. Energetically, each time we make one of these judgments, we are either accepting or rejecting someone or something.