When we meet someone for the first time, it's natural for our guard to be up. We automatically size them up with our eyes. We subconsciously check out their attire, their accessories, how they style their hair. We need to be aware of this in order to change it and open ourselves up to people.
In an age that is being shaped in so many ways by the creation and evolution of new forms of social media, I have been struck by the infrequency of serious discussion about what we have gained and what we have lost or are in imminent danger of losing.
The Talmud states, "Truth is the seal of the Holy One." And from the Gospel of John comes Jesus' famous decree, "The truth will set you free." Spiritual development can only be built on a continual commitment to speaking the truth, which is God's signature.
My friend Tammy had troubles, but it took me awhile to figure it out. She was a redhead who smoked menthols, loved music, dancing and beer. Her father was a judge, a real one, but she herself was totally non-judgmental.
Argument and debate are going to happen, even in the best of partnerships, but it doesn't have to mean doomsday or that you're not compatible. In fact, I have found some conflict can actually be a stepping stone to a more honest, intimate place and can foster better communication.
Thinking unethical thoughts doesn't make you unethical. It makes you feel unethical -- no harm in that. Provided, that is, you get a solid grip on the principle that acting on unethical, or insecure, feelings won't ever make them go away. It makes them come back even stronger.
The fact is that not all lies are bad, and there really is a time to lie. I'd even go so far as to say that a little lying can be healthy. As Lord Byron once said, "What is a lie? 'Tis but the truth in masquerade."
There's an innate desire among humans to know and to be known, but there's also a strong-willed desire to be accepted. When the chance to be known is outweighed by the threat of being ostracized, I choose to hide. It's a shame.
It was the worst when I was home alone with the children. That superstar mom our social worker described in her reports was nowhere to be seen and I found myself wondering how to summon the strength to meet their basic needs. Dress, feed, kiss, play -- these felt like monumental tasks.
Lately, Briar has been preoccupied with the idea of growing up. She seems convinced that by doing so, I will somehow cease to be her mom. Last night, after her sisters had been tucked in, we talked nose-to-nose about what growing up really means.
You can't control anybody -- all you can do is speak your truth and hope for the best. For you to be healthy and happy, to have a chance at getting what you want, you have to put yourself out there without the slightest idea of what will happen.
Mommy is so sorry. I didn't know that two babies would be so hard. I didn't think I'd treat you any differently than your brother. And I didn't realize how quickly life would pile up and try to steal our special moments from the two of us.