My husband, Jim, and I load up his Jeep Wrangler on Brookline Street in Cambridge for our anniversary trip. The summer light, oozy. The briny smell of the ocean, fresh off the Charles. Excited, like the kids we were in 1981 when we met by accident in Harvard Square. His college gang. My college gang. Bang.
Hope is the very seed of marriage. Without it, we have no chance of growing. Yes, some of us may get temporarily battered down by storms. Some of us may eventually wilt and wither to nothing. Some of us may die and find rebirth in an entirely new seed of hope. But what good is planting a seed in the first place if you don't have 100 percent faith that it will grow?
A few months ago I wrote an article about 50 thoughts that travel through my mind on a daily basis. wrote the piece to give a glimpse into my mind, not to state that others walk around with an empty head. However those comments prompted me to think about the thoughts my husband has on a daily basis.
Since I wrote the article Seven Signs It's More Than Just Cold Feet and toured with my solo show Bad Bride I have received a number of emails from strangers asking for advice. I wanted to share one of those messages (edited for anonymity) and my reply because I think the conversation may be helpful for others that feel stuck in a relationship.
I knew what I was getting into when I went to see Amy the new documentary about Amy Winehouse. I had trepidations knowing what I had gone through with my own husband's battle with alcoholism. We all know her fate. I knew her ending before it happened exactly the same way I knew my husband's ending with this horrible disease.
There's a real conflict in the messages that go out to young girls: on the one hand it's study hard, become someone important, invest in your career and be independent, and on the other hand you have the wedding industry and the society magazines saying: get married, that will be the most important day of your life, that will define you and validate you.