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Inner Bonding

Do You Make Others Your Higher Power?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 12.15.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

One of the things I always tell my clients is, "Don't give your authority away to me. Don't assume that I know more about you than you do, or more abo...

You Can Heal a Worry Addiction!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 12.01.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion.

Do Sacrifice Your Integrity to Avoid Conflict

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.18.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

People may choose a lack of integrity when they think that the outcome will be worth it. But is it worth any outcome -- emotional or financial -- to do harm to your own soul? We can get away with it only when we are not aware of the harm we are doing to ourselves.

Are You Being 'Good' or Are You Being 'Loving'?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.11.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The problem is that, while we may have had some success with this strategy in our childhood homes, this same strategy is now causing our problems in our relationships at work and at home. When we disconnect from our own feelings, we become invisible to ourselves.

Keeping Love Alive

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.04.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The concept of what it takes to keep love alive is really quite simple, but not so easy to do. The simple answer is this: Love flows between two people whose hearts are open to learning and to sharing love. The hard part is keeping the heart open.

Can We Make People Want to Change?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 10.28.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

We can certainly influence others with our love, peace and joy, but even that does not give us control. A major part of inner healing is learning to accept our lack of control over others' intent to learn or protect.

The Challange of Invasiveness

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 10.21.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Both of these types need work regarding invasiveness: the caretaker needs stronger personal boundaries, while the taker needs to be more conscious of not being invasive with others.

Controlling: Harmful or Beneficial?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 12.14.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Beneficial control is the control we have over choosing the intent to learn about love. Harmful control is when we attempt to control our feelings rather than learn from them, and attempt to control others and outcomes.

Are You Controlling in Your Relationships?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 12.07.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Relationship problems can seem to be quite tangled and hopeless when the intent is to control each other's behavior or feelings while resisting being controlled. Yet the moment loving oneself and one's partner becomes more important than controlling and resisting control, the relationship problems magically dissolve.

Life's Highest Experience: A Circle of Love

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.29.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Yet most people in relationships rarely, if ever, experience a circle of love. This is because when your intent is to protect against your painful feelings rather than to learn about loving yourself and others, you heart is closed -- closed to your Self, closed to others and closed to Spirit.

Crazy Making

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.22.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The challenge here is to tune into your body and get to know the feeling of being crazy made, so that you can take care of yourself in the face of it.

Parents -- What About You?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.15.2014 | Parents
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

She was beginning to see that the problem was not so much not being cared about by her family, but not caring about herself. She could begin to see that how her family treated her was a mirror for how she was treating herself.

4 Ways to Practice the Presence of Love

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.08.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Our programmed mind -- our ego wounded self -- will always want to come in with false beliefs and need to control. Practicing the presence of love is to gently, and with great compassion, not allow our wounded self to be in charge of our thoughts.

Do You Experience God?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 11.02.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Opening to love does not mean that we will be vulnerable to being hurt, manipulated or taken advantage of. In fact, the opposite can happen: In experiencing God, we receive the wisdom and strength to know what is good or bad for us, what is right or wrong for us.

What Is Loving to You, Is Loving to Others

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 10.25.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Whatever we do that is truly loving to ourselves -- that is in the highest good of our soul's journey on the planet -- is also loving to others. It is never in our highest good to be mean to others, or to disregard other's feelings and needs. But it is in our highest good follow our higher guidance and do what really brings us joy and fulfillment.

How Do I 'Let Go and Let God'?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 10.04.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

"How do I stop letting my ego run my life?" "How do I stop trying to control everything and let go? "How do I stop judging myself and ruminating about...

'Triggers' and The Moment of Choice

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 09.27.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

While you might not be aware of it, we all have at least a second to choose how we want to respond to a trigger -- and most times more than a second. If you choose to take the breath and tune in, you have a chance of responding from your loving adult self rather reacting from your ego wounded self. You have the chance to move into compassion for yourself.

The Quickest Way Out of the Dumps

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 09.21.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Life here is a great gift. In the spiritual realm, we do not come up against darkness -- the darkness that challenges us to discover our own light. Only by coming up against our own and other's wounds can we discover how to heal them.

Welcoming Our Ego-Wounded Parts

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 09.14.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

"I just want to get rid of the part of me that gets angry so easily." "I hate the part of me that thinks about food all the time." "I just want to k...

If You Really Loved Me, You Would...

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 09.06.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

We control to get love and avoid pain, yet by controlling rather than loving ourselves and others, we create the very pain we are trying to avoid. The negative aspects of your relationship and your expectations are fertile areas for exploration within yourself and with your partner.

Are You Stuck in the 'Resistance Syndrome'?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 08.31.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Do you find yourself stuck in your life, resisting doing what you really need to do? There is a good reason for this. Did you learn when you were gro...

What Really Creates Emotional Intimacy

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 08.23.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The more we practice staying connected with our spiritual guidance and our own feelings, the more we create inner and relationship safety.

Are You Addicted to Caretaking?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 08.16.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

I had been caretaking for so long that it was habitual and addictive. However, once I realized that it was controlling rather than loving, I became determined to heal this addiction. I'm happy to say that loving myself and sharing my love with others is what I do most of the time now, and it brings me great joy!

Are You an Emotional Victim?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 08.09.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

None of us like to think of ourselves as victims. The term "victim" brings to mind a pathetic image of a person who is powerless. Therefore, it comes ...

Do You Demand or Do You Request?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | Posted 08.02.2014 | Healthy Living
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

When a person goes into resistance, they lose their caring. Sometimes the resistance is in response to your attempts to control, but sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Many people bring their resistance from childhood into the relationship and feel controlled by any request.