As with many issues post-divorce, people may lose sight of what's best for the kids because they're busy thinking about what they want and not what's best for the grandkids. Kaiser stresses the importance of setting boundaries while being flexible and reasonable, with a willingness to make changes if needed.
Lately there has been a lot of debate about whether a "good divorce" is better than a "bad marriage," for the sake of the kids. I think we're forgetting about the third option: if you are in a bad marriage, and you have kids, how about doing whatever you need to do to make the marriage better? For the kids' sake.
Ending a marriage when you have children can elicit feelings of guilt ("What could I have done differently to save the marriage?") to panic ("How am I going to be able to support my kids financially and emotionally?") to reluctance and doubt ("Maybe we should just move into separate bedrooms and ignore each other?")