All the winter holidays hold one thing in common: a celebration of light. It makes sense, really. During the coldest, darkest time of year, here come the holidays, with their Diwali lamps, menorahs, and Yule logs, to set our hearts aglow. Or not.
There are many treatment options today for gay and lesbian family building, and sharing your plans with loved ones during the holidays can help muster their support and engage them in the process. Whatever your situation, here are some suggestions for those first conversations.
It seems as though Judge Feldman allowed his own prejudices get in the way of his duties as a judicial officer. He showed his ignorance by making such comparisons and referring to homosexuality as a 'lifestyle choice.'
When a local health foundation's bi-monthly marketing newsletter arrives in my mailbox, I throw it in the recycle bin without a second glance, every time. But the issue that arrived yesterday stopped me in my tracks.
The so-called Inclusion Act does nothing to protect children. To the contrary, it could continue depriving children of potentially loving, stable homes. And it does nothing to protect religious liberty.
I grew up a straight girl in a gay world, the opposite of what most gay people experience, but with the same problems of lack of place. I didn't feel that I made sense in the heterosexual world either.
I don't take my liberties for granted because I know how dehumanizing my mothers' communities were to them. I take my liberties to fight for equality. I take my liberties to honor my mothers. Because I love them both to death -- equally.
"Having it all" is a myth. "Having" is far too passive, far too effortless a verb for what it takes to combine career and family life. "All" suggests a sense of wholeness that in reality most parents who earn paychecks rarely experience. Instead, we live an ever-shifting, moment-by-moment dynamic.
You may feel married to the calendar long after you're no longer married to your ex. As adults, we remember feelings and experiences more than calendar dates. With creativity and commitment, you can celebrate your own new traditions that don't depend on a number on the wall.
Here are some ideas and examples from my dissolved and reconstituted same-sex-parents-headed family that can help parents in different households avoid feeling like one is "primary" and the other is, well, "other."
The time is now to extend presumptive parenthood to both members of a lesbian relationship when it can be shown that the child was planned, conceived and welcomed into an intact (even if struggling) relationship.
B-Man leans forward and whispers in my ear, "When we were writing '-ay' words on our spelling boards today, someone wrote 'gay' and circled it as their favorite word. But someone else said 'gay' was a bad word. But it isn't, right?"
My romantic assumption was that as women and as lesbians, my ex-partner and I could navigate a breakup more cleanly than a heterosexual couple could, that we could split the kids equally and fairly. So how did I find myself in the role of the secondary, or "other," mother?
Since fighting to be included in the heteronormative model of marriage and then being steamrolled by the heteronormative model of divorce, I've been fighting these systems from the perspective of the "other" mother.
Organizations such as the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) continue to claim that children with gay parents suffer severe emotional and mental abuse, even going so far as to argue that they are more likely to become child molesters than children raised by heterosexual parents.
This question is difficult, because it is both personal and political. This feels to me like the sophisticated version of the needling question "but which one is your real mom?" except of course this question, about who gets to be called "Mommy," is more legitimate.