When Matt was alive, I was too busy to think of anything other than his addiction. Saving him was my addiction. His death has pushed me into detox and now I'm trying to save myself. To feel needed and useful like I did when all my energy flowed toward his recovery. So here I am, the left behind trying to find a new path in life.
I recognize it is far easier to be the one going than to be the one left behind. I sympathize with them. But I do not feel it fair to call my decision, or me by extension, selfish. On the contrary, I believe what I am doing is empowering those I know and am soon to know to go out and live their dreams.
Sometimes we are forced to open our eyes and realize the beauty that surrounds us no matter the season. The seasons are changing. I can't stop that. I can, however, embrace the unique goodness this very season offers. After all, this moment is all any of us are guaranteed. What's the use in ignoring its unique, unbridled, and nondiscriminatory beauty?