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To Mark 'I Have a Dream' Speech, Fox Will Air Opposing View

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

"For years, 'I Have a Dream' has been synonymous with the legacy of Martin Luther King," said the official Fox statement. "We can think of no better way to honor that legacy than by offering a strongly-worded rebuttal."

Wikipedia Turns 10: What Has the Site Taught Us?

Danny Groner | Posted 05.25.2011 | Media
Danny Groner

Despite the early fears of many critics, Wikipedia has proven to be a place to find information quickly and easily. What does this mean for us and how we attain knowledge?

The Death of the Bookstore

College Candy | Posted 05.25.2011 | Books
College Candy

It would appear that the impending fall of Borders and Barnes & Noble is a victory for the corner bookstore and local library, but -- with book sales as they are -- the victory could be a hollow one.

Impressed With Speech, Fox Names Obama an Honorary American

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

This was only one of a series of conciliatory moves made today by what promises to be a kinder, gentler Fox News. A network spokesman said that starting this week, Fox would air one minute of civil discourse every Sunday at 4 AM.

Palin Attempts to Prove She Can Use 'Blood Libel' in a Sentence

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

"When you hunt a moose, blood libel to pour out of it," Sarah Palin told reporters at a press conference in her hometown today.

Fox News Reports No Link Between Matches, Gasoline and Fire

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

"Gasoline and matches don't start fires," said Fox host Glenn Beck. "People start fires."

Fox News Warns That Without Angry Rhetoric It Will Have 24 Hours to Fill

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

Fox is preparing for a "worst-case scenario" in which it was pressured to air responsible statements in place of its current programming: "If it comes to that, God forbid, we'll just air 24 hours of 24."

My Idea of a Heartwarming Story

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Media
Andy Borowitz

The Ted Williams story is, of course, riveting and hopeful. But the nation's fascination with it has nothing to do with our capacity for empathy and everything to do with our addiction to instant celebrity.

University Accidentally Tells Hundreds Of Students They're On Academic Probation

AP | Posted 05.25.2011 | College

LOS ANGELES — Officials at California State University, Los Angeles, have apologized to about 500 students who mistakenly received letters saying th...

Boehner: Heartwarming Story of Radio Guy Shows Why More Americans Should Be Homeless

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

The Speaker of the House said that it was the mission of congressional Republicans "to make sure each and every American has the God-given opportunity to be homeless."

Young Actors in TV Roles: Why Can't a Teenager Be Played by a Real Teen?

Michael Russnow | Posted 05.25.2011 | Entertainment
Michael Russnow

There's no reason why they can't find talented 18- to 20-year-old actors to play angst-ridden roles. It would make the stories that much more credible as the actors age in the course of the series length.

Republican-Hood: Steal from the Workers; Pander to the Rich

Leo W. Gerard | Posted 05.25.2011 | Business
Leo W. Gerard

Republicans want to, as they put it, 'undo' the health insurance benefits that the Affordable Care Act provides to Americans. And they're offering nothing in return to the uninsured.

iPhone Alarm Fix!

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

After days of mounting frustration from iPhone owners, Apple chief Steve Jobs today finally announced a fix for the phone's annoying alarm glitch.

Apple Cancels Press Conference on iPhone Alarm Glitch After Steve Jobs Oversleeps

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

Apple, Inc. canceled a press conference today to address the glitch plaguing the iPhone's alarm function when company chief Steve Jobs failed to show.

My New Year's Thoughts

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

Some New Year's thoughts from Andy Borowitz: MMXI is also how Sarah Palin spells "America."

Birthers Challenge Hawaii to Produce Statehood Certificate

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

"To be honest, it's something I've always kind of wondered about," Gov. Palin said. "Hawaii just isn't an American-sounding name, like Alaska."

Pat Robertson: Snow Is God's Way of Punishing Americans Who Were Planning to Drive to Do Something Gay

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, "Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two."

Winter Weather Expected to Dominate Conversations of Boring People

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

With blizzard conditions blanketing the Northeast, a powerful front of mind-numbing weather-related banter is expected to pound the Eastern Seaboard, with statements of the obvious stretching from the Carolinas to New England.

Tea Party Cancels Christmas Pageant; Could Not Find Three Wise Men

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

"We couldn't find three wise men," Tea Party holiday coordinator Carol Foyler told reporters. "It's too bad, because we had plenty of sheep."

Is a Government Takeover of Health Care a Lie?

Linda Bergthold | Posted 05.25.2011 | Politics
Linda Bergthold

Was PolitiFact right to call the "government takeover of health care" the "lie of the year" or has the role of government been so enlarged that we can now assume DC is in charge of what our physicians prescribe?

New LA Times Column Watchdogs Local Goverment

Anthea Raymond | Posted 05.25.2011 | Los Angeles
Anthea Raymond

A linchpin at the Los Angeles Times editorial pages has stepped out from behind the scenes to put his vast knowledge of local government to work.

The Significance of John Boehner's Tears

Danny Groner | Posted 05.25.2011 | Politics
Danny Groner

Over the past week, people have been debating John Boehner's emotions, not his motions. The expected next Speaker of the House has become known for his crying.

Julian Assange to Launch Social Network for Diplomats, Twofacebook™

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

Saying that he hopes to build the site into a "portal of deceit," Mr. Assange said, "this will be a must-visit destination on the Internet for sworn enemies to friend each other."

Afghanistan 'Review' Shows Need for Journalism on Classified Information

Robert Naiman | Posted 05.25.2011 | World
Robert Naiman

The top line of the story the administration is presenting is "progress." But the assessment of 16 U.S. intelligence agencies gives a very different picture, and the public needs to know that in order to have an informed opinion.

In Controversial Decision, Time Calls Mark Zuckerberg a Person

Andy Borowitz | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Andy Borowitz

The decision to call the robot-like Internet titan a person raised eyebrows from Silicon Valley to Wall Street, forcing Time spokesperson Carol Foyler to acknowledge, "This wasn't an easy call."