It's tempting to jump into relationships when we meet someone we believe is wonderful. But if it takes a few months to begin gauging someone's character, and two to three years to truly know them, we are setting ourselves up for disaster if we commit too soon.
In today's day and age, it is very common for single people to linger too long in the wrong relationship. Of course, this is understandable, as often times, the unknown seems very scary and a current relationship is usually quite comfortable.
Relationships are always a mix; they're woven from golden shining moments and niggling annoyances, big whack-you-over-the-head disasters and then, just when you were about to give up, a deep sense of tenderness, connection and certainty reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place.
Last Sunday morning I laid in bed sipping hot coffee and gazing out my sun-streaked bedroom window. As I made my way to the bottom of my coffee mug, I thought about what makes some sexual experiences sexier than others. Sometimes it's the level of emotional intimacy. Sometimes it's the degree of novelty and risk. And sometimes it's just an exquisite blend of pheromones.
I wish that I reclaimed my own self-worth and validation -- that I knew how loving, kind, smart, sexy, beautiful, etc. I am simply for being me. And that goes for all of you too! You are perfect exactly as you are, without needing anything or anyone else to validate that for you.
I'm supposed to defend the field and say, "Vanilla is bad -- let me show you all these magical ways to bring the sexy back and blow their mind!" And as a sex writer, that's my bread and butter. But sometimes, most times, I think vanilla is still pretty freaking amazing
I asked three single guys what they wish women would do differently on dates. Their answers? The most glaringly obvious tips ever. But, their advice is also so simple it's easy to forget.
A few weeks ago I sat in a poolside cabana at The Avalon, a mid-century jewel of a hotel in Beverly Hills, eating dinner with a man who told me: 'To you, sex is art.' I was both flattered and amused. Amused because we hadn't even slept together -- he was referring to my blog.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, where your man is perfect but the sex life is lacking, take a look at this advice before you waste too many years on sex that doesn't make your toes curl.
One of the many advantages of getting older is that we know what we like and don't like. And now we laugh when remembering those ten minutes of frantic fumbling in the back seat of a teenager's car after the high school game. At our age, we prefer Egyptian cotton sheets, soft jazz, and the luxury of foreplay. We're not only older but a lot wiser.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, it's sometimes easy to be so hot-and-heavy that having sex on the regular is akin to breathing: It's necessary for survival. Then life sets in and sex can be the last thing on your mind.
A friend and I used to laugh that the men we were looking for were really women's personalities in men's bodies. Back then, I didn't know how true our little joke was. You see, when women go out into the dating world, they are looking for a handsome man who will be their best friend.
If I react now, it's game on for the ego, but game over for the relationship -- and I won't let the ego win, because it viciously guards a set of mistaken beliefs that drive me further and further away from the one thing I truly want the most: love.
Having an optimistic approach to dating isn't necessarily a bad thing. It only becomes problematic when we can no longer see a situation for what it truly is and recognize when it's time to walk away.
After I was divorced and middle-aged and back in the dating pool, I unfortunately had to kiss a few more frogs. One I recall was a tongue-darter -- very disconcerting and unromantic. And another one was worse, he had bad breath and tasted like a dried-out steak every time I kissed him. Beef is okay to eat, but NEVER to kiss.
You'll notice I said thinking about sex, not physically having it. It's not that I don't want to, I simply can't muster the energy.