The first year of our son's life was the most difficult of our marriage to date and it is also the year I learned a very important lesson: My husband must always come before our children. Don't get me wrong; I love my kids and would do anything for them. But I love my husband more.
I wanted to know how men feel about dating fellow boomers, so I gathered up a few of my middle-aged guy friends, bought them a few beers, and picked their brains about their dating life: the good, bad, and ugly. They were buzzed just enough to let it rip.
Sex was my primary measuring stick to evaluate relationships until I turned 50, which was when I learned the best sex includes an emotional connection. I realize casual sex might work for some over-50 guys, but it can't compare with loving sex.
If your relationship's broken in some way, then it's time to repair the damage. Don't bury your feelings in a ditch hoping they'll disappear -- your emotional wounds will just get bigger. So let's dig into how your relationship could be hurting you and get you on the road to recovery.
Women spend months, even years, fantasizing about love. Yet blinded by what we think is true love, we frequently marry or commit to someone who we don't really know.
I've been with my husband for 20 years. And we've had a pretty awesome marriage by most measures. But they say you'll either fight about sex or money. And for us, it wasn't money.
We're tempted to believe that the great and valuable things of life are somewhere "out there." But more often than not, the priceless pearls of our lives are hidden in the open -- the greatest treasures of our lives are things like home, family and dear friends. With that in mind, I made this video for my wife to celebrate our anniversary.
Most strangers believe that I've manipulated my way to, for and in every opportunity possible. I'm used to it now. I have adjusted by disarming them with self-deprecating humor and/or hiding behind a bun, glasses and clothes purchased a size too big. (At the advice of my father.)
In every other part of our lives we meet new people through a common interest or activity. Maybe you work or study together, share a hobby, meet at a festival or in yoga class. You have something in common, and get to know each other through that. Well, let me share a little secret with you: this works in your dating life too!
It's a pretty simple concept -- fall in love and share your life together. Our great grandparents did it, our grandparents followed suit, and for many of us, our parents did it as well. Why the hell can't we? Our generation just isn't equipped to handle marriages -- and here's why.
Our wedding is a celebration of the partnership we will continue to work hard to nurture. It is not a time to dread, starve myself, or force difficult change. And if it is for you, it's also none of my beeswax, so I'd really appreciate it if you keep your thoughts about my body to yourself, thanks.
I've learned a lot of lessons in my relatively short, 12 years of marriage; the usuals -- like not saying the "D" word, accepting that my husband doesn't always flush the toilet, and that throwing wooden spoons at walls while cooking makes more work for me than trying to prove how mad I was. But there are a few important lessons I've learned (mostly the hard way) that have truly helped save my marriage countless times.
Boomer dating requires a fair amount of courage, and it also takes grit, determination, and stamina. Online dating is a high-wire act. The potential for getting rejected exists no matter how cool or good-looking you are, and there's no net to catch you when you fall.
Women tend to "view sex as something that they are doing for someone else." If we are able to shift our mindset to view sex (or physical intimacy) as something pleasurable we are doing for ourselves, this can shift the power dynamic for couples.
I used to be intimidated by people who wrote about sex, even long after I started writing about it myself. The irony, of course, is that people now think the same thing about me. That because I write about sex, I must be particularly sexual. To which my internal response is: "No. You don't get me at all."
New York City: Years later, I sit watching Andy on film as the prelude to a program of his dances, reconstructed in New York City for the first time in decades. Once again, I'm 23 and in love.