When my marriage was running on fumes, my ex-husband would send me to Victoria's Secret with instructions to pick out something to his liking. 'Red,' he would say. Or 'animal print.' Or, finally, in desperation: 'anything you want,' which at that point was nothing that might lead to sex, the sex that was between two people with wildly incompatible desires and personas.
Just as it's a choice to criticize or blame our partners for what we think we're not getting in a relationship, it's also a choice to be grateful for what you have and for where you are in this moment. Gratitude can not only improve your attitude; it can help improve your love life, as well.
Approaching the venue in south London, I berated myself. Why on earth had I volunteered to strip off my clothes in front of people I'd never met before? In broad, pitiless daylight? With faltering steps, I persuaded myself to continue, although doubts continued to raise their ugly heads.
I changed the pictures on my profile once a week, allowing enough time for new people to register the change. The information on my profile always remained the same; the only thing that changed was the pictures. I didn't respond to any message during the duration of this experiment.
Being happily married is not the same thing as being happy all the time. Being happily married is understanding that marriage is a contract and a commitment. Being happily married is putting the success of the marriage above either person's individual needs or desires. The marriage has to be bigger than either person.
It was one of those lipstick vibes. Small, but powerful. It felt odd to use it that first time. I can still remember my hesitancy. I waited until my kids had gone to their father's house for the night, double-checked that all of the doors were locked and headed upstairs to my bedroom.
When I'm cuddling in bed with my non-feminist man and discussing what I'm teaching and what I'm learning and what I'm researching, all I see and know is that he loves me -- regardless of what his feminist commitments are.
I had no idea, but that moment was an invitation to my life's greatest awakening. I thought getting married was the answer and I was so wrong.
Before checking emails or answering phone calls, take the time to simply just be with your partner. Enjoy early morning hugs and kisses without thinking about all the stuff you have to do. Focus completely on the present moment of just being with them.
Let's face it. As much as you may want a good guy in your life, finding him as a single woman dating in her 50s, 60s and 70s poses its own set of challenges; challenges that can seem daunting at times.
I'm not saying you definitely shouldn't have a daily slap-and-tickle session with your partner. I don't know you. Why would I give you that kind of advice? This is probably a conversation you should have with the person you plan on slapping and tickling.
Often, I felt like a trapped animal. My partner was getting too close. It terrified me. And that's the way I'd acted in many of my previous relationships: Fight or flight.
Here are seven small ways you can fight the Mommy Problem in your own relationship and help erase the contradictory caricature of ideal mothers as "sexy but sexless," as Havrilesky writes. After all, moms are sexual creatures, too.
Would your marriage be stronger if you and your partner lived apart? When David proposed to Claire after 12 years together, Claire had one question. Would he want to move in? Luckily the answer was no and the now-married couple continue to live happily, apart.
Although I don't think we'll ever fully understand each other, over the course of 13 years of marriage, we've learned that fixing each other doesn't work as well as trying to meet in the middle.
When you are over 50, especially well over 50, time is perhaps your most precious asset. No one wants to squander it. It makes us older folks nervous to think about spending six months, a year, five years, in a relationship only to have it not work. What the hell do we do then?