If you want a relationship that maintains deep emotional and physical connection, a relationship where you rarely feel lonely with each other, a relationship that is always evolving and growing toward deeper intimacy, then you likely have to be willing to work at it by healing your own issues.
When two people come together because they want to learn together, grow together, heal together, share their time and companionship, and share their love and passion, they have a good chance of creating a lasting, loving relationship.
I often receive emails from people asking me how they can know if the person they are in relationship with is the right partner for them. They frequently say that they have made mistakes in the past, and they don't want to make a mistake again.
What's likely going on is that you have a fear of losing yourself in the relationship. And the more you like the person, the bigger your fear of engulfment and commitment gets. Why? There are a number of reasons you might fear losing yourself in a relationship.
My life changed when I finally understood how to access the unconditional love that is always available to all of us. What I came to understand is that love, like the air we breathe, enters our heart by invitation only.
We always have the right to feel whatever we feel. We also have the right to express anger when we feel hurt or betrayed. However, the real question is not whether you have the right, but whether or not your anger is working for you.
You can read every diet book and try every weight-loss drug and every new diet, but if you don't learn to manage your painful feelings in ways that don't cause even more pain, you will not lose weight or keep weight off.
We all have a wounded self -- our ego -- that we developed as we were growing up, to protect us from pain. Our wounded self becomes activated when we get scared -- scared of rejection, of engulfment, of being hurt.
If you are so attached to someone that you feel you can't live without that person, try learning to give to yourself and others what it is you want from this person. Your job is to become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be.
In my work with my clients, I've often wondered why some people jump right in to learning and growing and take off with it, while others seem to keep getting stuck. I've discovered that harboring a shameful secret is one of the reasons.
You have to start with yourself, since it is only when you are filled with love that you have love to offer another. When you deeply desire to learn to be loving to yourself, your heart will open and you will start to receive love and wisdom from your higher self.
While no one deliberately seeks out someone who is closed, negative and needy, if this is you, this is what you will attract into your life. If you want a loving relationship, then you need to do the work of learning how to take emotional responsibility
Rather than judge ourselves for blaming -- which most of us do at times -- why not look at what the blaming is covering up and learn to lovingly manage the feelings that we are covering up and avoiding with blaming?