I am NOT "cisgendered." I reject that label. Why? From what I've read, "cisgendered" is a label that began in academic discourse as a way of describing people who weren't trans. But the meaning of it was akin to what we might call "normatively gendered."
So, you've been going out for a while now. You're really feeling this guy and you can tell there's a mutual attraction. The vibes... my God, the vibes. He drops you off at your door, smiles that little smile, says he had a great time and leaves. No kiss. Ugh!
Do not let the labels mother, daughter, sister, wife, or girlfriend limit or define you. You were born in the presence of those who love you most and if you live a good life, may you die surrounded by those who you love the most.
I have singles tell me all the time they want love to "just happen." Well, that can only happen if you are in a mental and emotional place to receive the positive attention of others.
When you truly love someone you're not interested in possessing the person or keeping him or her in your clutches because you're afraid of losing the relationship. Instead, you respect your partner's autonomy and spirit.
My friend Sam is a "confirmed bachelor," and I'm using air quotes as I write this. Years ago, before you could swing a dead cat in a Banana Republic without hitting an openly gay man (which I would not recommend), that was code for being gay.
I believe in order to find our lover we need a fairly clear picture of what they might be. Way beyond looks, the construction or destruction happens over the course of the initial weeks of "dating."
For now, I'm just tossing my hat into the ring and offering you an opportunity for romantic fulfillment. The ball's in your court, Sharon.
You'll forever have leverage over him because it was only after a whole year that he finally agreed to come to yoga with you... and now he's so hooked that he goes without you.
If you're a guy who's only capable of functioning sexually with women with perfect bodies, continue your hapless pursuit. But if you're a guy who sees beauty in terms other than perfection, then you already know how beautiful and desirable boomer women are. And you probably own a full-length mirror and are aware that your attractiveness to women isn't tied to perfection either.
1. Put in writing what type of relationship you hope to find -- both short term and long term.
For me, if sex is not akin to a glass of well-aged Rioja -- spicy, tantalizing, with a good, strong finish -- then it's just better not to have it at all.
The next time you are overwhelmed by divorcing, repeat after me: "Yes, this is traumatic. Horrible. But it isn't terminal. It's actually a bump on the road of life that just might give me a second chance at a whole new dream."
Thanks to Facebook and my blog, most people already knew I was divorced. No one asked me if I was married. No one asked where my husband was. And while I did discuss bits and pieces of the divorce with a few people, I never once felt less than happy about where I am in life.
My son discovered the luminous blue bicycle on his fifth Christmas, next to the tree. That cold morning, I led him along living room and dining room circuits as he got the hang of riding on two tires, with a lot of help from training wheels. He was still years away from any possible attempt at the Tour de France...and his only performance-enhancing drug was the exuberance of a little boy.
The fact that you are even reading this post should be evidence enough for you that your relationship is heading down an unhealthy path. But since coming to that realization can be scary on your own, allow me help ease you into accepting your potential breakup.