Michele Willens

Another step in dealing with our changing appearance is confronting the "masks" we employ. Yes, I said employ, not wear. We are not talking about Halloween playthings.

I was at a friend's 60th birthday party recently and noticed that, far from impaling herself with the cake knife, she was beaming. She hasn't looked this fit in years, and is writing her second book.

Many women come to their doctors for other symptoms, but eventually focus on how they feel about the role appearance has or had in their lives. Therapists call this important step the "uh oh moment."