I'm not a perfectionist but as a mother, I harassed myself to be as close to perfect as I could be. My girls had to behave and not bicker in public -- fat chance! Dinner had to be healthy -- and they had to eat it! Someone was coming over -- quick clean up!
Perhaps you are familiar with the term, "quality vs quantity." Often, it is associated with parenting in terms of which is more important -- the time you are with your child (quantity) or the attention given during the time you are with your child (quality).
I admire all the mothers and fathers who nurture and respect the home by cleaning and organizing. But some of us may benefit from letting go of a few tasks, to then benefit from being creative in other ways.
Women like me face Mother's Day with shades of shame, despair and silence. So, I would like to take this opportunity to speak up and share with those who know someone who has infertility or are experiencing it themselves. Here is what I wish someone had told me about about the disease.
All day long, your brothers have pulled and demanded and captured my time while you have slept and dreamed and grown, little by little by little. But right now is our time, because brothers are sleeping and Daddy is sleeping and the whole world is silently breathing its way toward morning.
I often daydream of giving away most of what we own and moving into a Tiny House of some kind, with clever storage everywhere and only the bare essentials surrounding us. "Ooh! Thank you! This is wonderful!" I imagine them saying.
It's sad IVF didn't work for us. It's sad we lost our three babies. It's sad we lost those three dreams. Giving myself permission to continue to feel that sadness, as needed, will help to stave off that anger that seems to set me back so much every time.
We don't have to be perfect moms. There's no such thing. And, ironically, even if there was, I don't think we'd like being her as much as we think we would. No one actually likes a perfect woman, anyway.
I didn't choose to become a foster mom because I couldn't have my own children. I chose to become a foster mom because a young person needed me and my desire to mother has never been centered on my genetics, but on my ability to love and care for others.
I can guarantee you that not once in the seven years since I have had small children in Rome have I ever been charged for the kids' milk. They brush it off with genuine kindness, almost as if they were offended by your offer to pay.