What follows is an exclusive transcript of the annual conversation Her Supreme Awesomeness -- presidential scholar Doris Kearns Goodwin -- has with dead presidents. Happens every time there's an inauguration.
Sam Adams is infuriated. "They call themselves the Tea Party?" he exclaims. "Hah! I find that personally insulting. When we dumped the tea, it was because of taxation without representation ... Plus we had better costumes."