Project Accessory

Over the past 7 episodes we've seen tears, laughs, been covered with unicorn horn resin dust, worn insects as embellishments and all in all, remained lukewarmly charmed by Molly Sims and her cast of bran-cereal accessory designers. Will the show get renewed? I'd bet a paycheck it'll quietly slink off into the canceled reality show ether.

Before tuning into "Project Accessory" last night, I was watching the 13th GOP candidate debate, where 7 wooden Republicans duked it out/pandered to voters in Iowa over Freddie Mac, their favorite Supreme Court justices and who wants to cut taxes for corporations the most. After an hour of that, I was almost ready to watch some milquetoast reality contestants slap some jewelry around.

Welcome to my latest essay in the scholarly "Project Accessory" recap academic journal. Here's a précis: There are 6 designers left and only about 6 minutes left in my attention span for this show, so, coincidence.

Hello "Project Accessory" Recap Readers! You might be wondering what happened to your beloved Jessica, whose recaps you've called better than the show itself. Well, don't worry about Jessica; she'll be back next week. This week I'm guest-recapping because I happen to be in episode 4. In other words, this week is all about me.

And we're back with another chapter in the "Project Accessory" bildungsroman. Last week, our kiddos had to play dress-up with Swarovski crystals; today they're trying to make a Spandex jumpsuit somehow look presentable. I know.

"Project Accessory" returns with its second episode this week to charm us lukewarmedly with its limp handshake version of its predecessor, "Project Runway." Last week we saw tears, awkward come-ons, and some awesome creations from a junk heap. This week's episode revolves around Swarovski crystals, which I KNOW can be found in tons of cool jewelry, but for some reason when I hear the name I can only picture those little crystal animals my great-aunt used to collect.

"Project Accessory," guys! It's like "Project Runway" for slap bracelets. It's the "X-Factor" of chandelier earrings! First observations: "Accessory" looks weird in the singular, doesn't it? It's like seeing "datum" instead of "data," or computer "mice."