I don't take for granted that the people I love are going to be here forever. My brother's absence is a constant reminder of that. My life has changed and it will never be the same, but sobriety gives me the opportunity to live my life in such a manner that my regrets are fewer and my love is bigger.
What I later found out was that people's "bottoms" are all over the board. Some high. Some low. Some short. Some long. Some hit what they think is their bottom and find trap door after trap door of even lower bottoms. I guess I never gave the term "rock bottom" any thought until I hit it and even then, all I knew was my own rock bottom.
I think I genuinely lasted an entire week without logging on to any of the sites. But one night, I'd had a crappy day at work and couldn't sleep. I lay in bed, thoughts racing through my head. Just a little Tinder wouldn't hurt. My phone beckoned -- no implored -- me to pick it up and swipe. So I did.