I see now that my mom loved me deeply and showed it in so many ways, in ways she knew how and yet kept a safe distance because for her that is what worked for her.
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I don't know what started it, this admittedly morbid habit of mine. I'm sure if one were to go back (please, dear God, don't) and read the many earnest and angst-ridden entries...there wouldn't be any hint that I would be doing this.
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