In my latest video I break down the psychological nuts and bolts of why we tend to label and judge sexual roles and the gay men who fill them -- pun intended. I describe how this common practice can be limiting, both individually and collectively, as well as what we can do to challenge bottom shaming so that we can all grow, heal, and have better sex. Heels up!
I'm a mom who takes good care of her kids, but crappy care of her house. I'm a writer who loves to write, but who rarely lets herself write what she loves. I'm a friend who can't seem to write to her far flung friends. I'm just a woman trying to face her shame so it loses the control it has on her life.
Teaching isn't combat or coaching, especially teaching creative writing. We're not in the classroom to humiliate and harden our students as if they're going into the cutthroat world of business or getting ready for the next football game against a team with no losses. Our role should be to help them grow as writers by identifying what they do best and where they need to do more work.
I escaped the cage and found freedom from the wood pellets and stale feeder food. Maybe certain people tried to look for me; maybe they didn't. I didn't care. I was a hamster with a plan. I came to a fork, took the road less traveled and began running like my life depended on it (and hey, maybe it did).
My parent's divorce helped me realize that love cannot be forced, and that you can never settle if what you want is happiness. Love is not easy, but it should always be unconditional and truthful, respectful and gentle. It didn't matter what people thought of us. What mattered was being at peace with who we were.
I used to be intimidated by people who wrote about sex, even long after I started writing about it myself. The irony, of course, is that people now think the same thing about me. That because I write about sex, I must be particularly sexual. To which my internal response is: "No. You don't get me at all."