I think about money all the time. I think about the bills that need to be paid, the things my kids need, and the fact that what's coming in currently is not enough to cover what needs to go out. Every day is a list of choosing. Of overdraft fees. Of cancellation notices. Every moment is a feeling of defeat and a pang of failure.
This past year I haven't written the way I used to. There have been so many other things I wanted to write about but I just wasn't ready. I wasn't brave enough. Maybe now because I literally have nothing to lose, I have once again found my voice and my courage. Yesterday I filed bankruptcy. Chapter 7.
I stood at the top of the cliff with my daughters standing on either side of me and thought about all the things I'd never done because I was afraid. I thought about how I never wanted them to see me timid again. How I wanted to show them what it looked like when you do something that scares the living shit out of you.