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Stamford Advocate

The Paper Chase

Jerry Zezima | Posted 02.02.2016 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

As an old newspaperman living in a digital age, I am often asked if print will survive. My answer is yes, and for a very important reason: You can't wrap fish in a website. Besides, what are you supposed to do, housebreak your dog on an iPad?

'The Skin Game'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 01.19.2016 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

For the past 40 years, which is how long I have been in journalism, I have had a nose for news. So I guess it was not surprising that the news I received recently involved my nose.

'Remembrance of a Cool Guy'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 01.05.2016 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

The first time I met Carmine Pikero, the man who would become my father-in-law, he was standing in the parking lot at Stamford (now Trinity) Catholic High School in my hometown of Stamford, Connecticut.

"The Zezimas' 2015 Christmas Letter"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 12.22.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

By Jerry Zezima Since I am in the holiday spirit (and, having just consumed a mug of hot toddy, a glass of eggnog and a nip of cheer, the holiday spi...

Chloe Meets Santa

Jerry Zezima | Posted 12.08.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

When Chloe and I met him, he certainly looked the part. His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

No Thanks for the Memory

Jerry Zezima | Posted 11.24.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I am so technologically challenged that my granddaughter, Chloe, who isn't even 3 years old, is more advanced than I am. I know this because she can use an iPad. I don't have an iPad, or an iPod, or even an iWatch, although I do have an iPhone and, according to my dentist, iTeeth.

All Pumped Up

Jerry Zezima | Posted 11.12.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I am not much of a couch potato, not only because my wife won't let me eat potatoes on the couch while watching TV, but because I prefer to drink beer in the lounge chair.

Dishes Your Life

Jerry Zezima | Posted 10.28.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

As the very model of the modern mixed-up man, I have long been baffled by one of the great mysteries of domestic life: If a dishwasher washes dishes, ...

Depth of a Salesman

Jerry Zezima | Posted 10.13.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Despite the lamentable fact that I couldn't sell skis in Vermont during the winter, or surfboards in Hawaii during the summer, or even beer to castaways on a desert island, mainly because I would have consumed it myself, I recently got a job as a salesman.

Poppie's Personal Trainer

Jerry Zezima | Posted 09.30.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

At the advanced age of 61 (my age is advancing while the rest of me is regressing), I am happy to say that I don't need to join a health club. That's...

When the Bough Breaks

Jerry Zezima | Posted 09.16.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

When I bought my house, which the bank owns but kindly allows me to pay for, I was thrilled to have a big yard with lots of beautiful trees. Apparently, the trees don't feel the same, which is why, after a recent storm, the oak was on me.

The Appliance Whisperer

Jerry Zezima | Posted 09.02.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Inanimate objects are out to get me. I can deal with human beings, either by ignoring them or by telling them such dumb jokes that they ignore me. But machines have me baffled.

'Just What the Doctor Ordered'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 08.18.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I began to wonder about my longevity when I read that researchers in the United Kingdom had created a survey that can calculate a person's chances of dying in the next five years.

'The Ice Cream Man Cometh'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 08.07.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

In the whole wide world -- which, as NASA has proven, is a whole lot wider than Pluto, a Disney character who can't hold a candle to "Sesame Street" star Elmo -- nothing is sweeter than my granddaughter, Chloe.

The Royal Treatment

Jerry Zezima | Posted 07.21.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Since the birth of the little princess, people around the world have been abuzz with excitement. I refer, of course, to my granddaughter, Chloe. Peo...

Home Alone

Jerry Zezima | Posted 07.08.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

If Hollywood wants to make another "Home Alone" movie, this time with the Macaulay Culkin character all grown up but no more mature than he was as an 8-year-old in the 1990 original, I would be happy to take the role.

College Daze

Jerry Zezima | Posted 06.23.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

As soon as my lawyer gets out of jail, I am going to file a classless action lawsuit against the makers of "National Lampoon's Animal House" for theft of intellectual property.

'Running Hot and Cold'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 06.10.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

As a guy who is usually in hot water, which I am using as an excuse for all my wrinkles, I recently found myself in the unusual situation of being in hot water because there was no hot water.

'What's in a Name? Ask Poppie'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.27.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I have been called many things in my life, not all of them repeatable in polite company, which I am seldom in anyway. But the one I love to hear repeated is Poppie, which is what I am called by my 2-year-old granddaughter, Chloe.

"A Glass Act"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.12.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I do windows. Unfortunately, I do them every couple of years, which gives the windows plenty of time to get dirty, and even then it is clear that I don't do them very well because I have always considered the job a pane in the glass.

'Chloe and Poppie Go to the White House'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 06.29.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Since becoming a grandfather two years ago, I've really been on a roll. But nothing could top taking my granddaughter, Chloe, to Washington, D.C., for the White House Easter Egg Roll.

'Chloe and Poppie Go to the Aquarium'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 06.14.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Accompanying us on this exciting excursion were my younger daughter, Lauren, known to Chloe as Mommy, and my son-in-law Guillaume, aka Daddy.

'Poppie Joins the Club'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.17.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Imagine my surprise and delight when I found out that the chairman and CEO of the American Grandparents Association, famed rock music impresario Steve Leber, also is known as Poppie to his seven grandchildren.

'A Very Social Security Guard'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.05.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Herbert "Doc" Koenig is a security guard in the building where I work. He don't need no stinking badge (he has an ID card with a photo of his goateed visage and the word "Doc" under it) and he doesn't carry a pistol, mainly because he is one. But he does have a rapier wit that could disarm the most suspicious intruder.

Food for Thought

Jerry Zezima | Posted 04.20.2015 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

According to an old saying, you are what you eat. Since I am full of baloney, I eat what I am. Unfortunately, I don't know what to eat these days -- especially bologna, which means I am out to lunch -- because I am on three different diets.