Mom is a title that women hold closely, and I understand that. Mom is your title and yours alone. I didn't plan on being a stepmom, nor did I pick the title. It is not something that I worked for, yet it is something that I am working on. I'm here to love and care for my stepdaughter as best I can and put her needs and wants first. Being a stepmom is a separate relationship from being mom, and one does not threaten or replace the other.
"They're like oil and vinegar." We're all familiar with this expression and it couldn't be more accurate when it comes to the relationship between a stepmother and her teen stepdaughter. The conflict can take a toll, creating tension in father-daughter relationships.The fathers don't make it any easier.
Unless you are truly an "evil stepmother" (and there are some), releasing expectations of acceptance and love from your stepchildren will allow you to focus more on your partner, building a strong and lasting union, which certainly benefits the kids who don't need to go through another horror of a family splintering in different directions.