The first computers were free-standing machines. Later, we learned how to hook them up and the result was an enormous increase in computing power. A parallel shift in our notion of selfhood is called for. The current default self, subscribed to by most people most of the time, is a stand-alone model. The new default self, to be posited in this essay, is more like a computer network.
Like everything else, what we focus on expands. When our thoughts and words are self-defeating, we only generate more excuses as we have no choice -- our behavior negates any possibility for good outcomes and over time we justify more and more away. Unless kicked to the curb, our excuses increase to no end.