The first step is to simply realize and accept that fear and love cannot coexist, because pure love by nature does not allow or involve even the tiniest fraction of fear. Then we can begin to practice deciding how we will behave accordingly, and what we will accept from others.
When viewed through a longer lens, it becomes clear, to me, at least, that the DOMA cases will have a huge impact on marriage equality in the U.S., whereas the Prop 8 case will be an important but less integral part of a natural progression.
At the very least, because of the civil-unions issue, it it clear that a DOMA decision at the Supreme Court before a Prop 8 decision would be a more logical one, because striking down DOMA would affect future Prop 8 litigation, but striking down Prop 8 would have no effect on DOMA.
DOMA radically changed the status quo for American marital law (at least for gay and lesbian couples), and the Supreme Court may very well look favorably upon restoring the traditional federalism of state marriage rights that existed before DOMA was enacted.
The federalism claims that the DOMA cases make are relatively comfortable waters in which the Supreme Court's conservative justices can swim. Judge Reinhardt's Prop 8 analysis, on the other hand, however cautious it may be, is essentially a brand-new constitutional argument.
I firmly agree that the best possible outcome for marriage equality in the next year or so is for the Supreme Court to consider the DOMA cases, uphold the lower courts' rulings striking down the law, and decline to hear the challenge to the Ninth Circuit's Prop 8 decision.