It doesn't matter if something was done to you or by you. It doesn't matter if it was right or wrong. It doesn't matter if it was fair or unfair. What matters is that you alone are responsible for how you move forward.
The part of your brain that is controlling the loop is your ego. When you learn to harness your ego, you can transform the way you think to move past these self-destructive thoughts. When I learned this, my entire life changed.
I wish I could go back in time and let Newly Divorced Jenny know that things were going to be okay. I'd sit down with that terrified, sad woman, make her a dirty martini (which she didn't know would become our favorite cocktail) and tell her what I've learned.