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Surviving Whole Foods

Toys 'R' Us: The Seventh Circle of Hell

Kelly MacLean | Posted 05.20.2015 | Comedy
Kelly MacLean

I'm immediately accosted by noise. Several talking toys are going off unprompted. Speakers blare children's music that sounds like Mickey Mouse Club on meth. Somewhere a child screams bloody murder.

Surviving Apple

Kelly MacLean | Posted 05.21.2014 | Comedy
Kelly MacLean

There are several Geniuses here today, it's pretty much the same combination of guys you see at any Apple store, in fact I think they've franchised this combination: Hipster prodigy kid wearing skinny jeans and Keds; cool, sophisticated black dude with a halfro; hugely beardy questionable hygiene guy; a middle-aged square.

Surviving Taco Bell... Is Easy, Because It's Delicious!

Thrillist | Posted 11.19.2013 | Comedy

Pretty much nobody judges your beauty in here. 100 percent of the patrons are 100 percent less attracted to each other than they are to the prospect of Doritos Locos, which on the popular hotness scale of 1-10 are 100 percent.

After Ripping Whole Foods, Blogger Vows To Return -- In Disguise

Posted 09.19.2013 | Comedy

Ah, the many wonders of an organic supermarket -- except when you don't have hundreds to spend and hours to ogle at rows of gluten-free products. ...

Surviving Whole Foods

Kelly MacLean | Posted 11.16.2013 | Comedy
Kelly MacLean

She rings me up for $313. I resist the urge to unwrap and swallow whole another $6 truffle in protest. Barely. Instead, I reach for my wallet, flash her a quiet smile and say, "Namaste."