I sort of stumbled upon long-term singlehood. First it was a deliberate choice, and then it was just how my life unfolded naturally. Can't hurry love. And can't force it either. Here's what I learned during my 1/2 decade as a declared bachelorette in my late twenties.
Emily surprised me with a new plant on my birthday. We named her Federika. I thanked Emily a thousand times, all the while thinking, Holy, shit, if this thing dies I am totally f*cked. Please, God, don't let this f*cker die.
We don't need to jump into the arms and beds of different people until one of them decides to stay for a little while longer than the rest. We don't need titles and commitment that's rushed, or done so for any reason influenced by others.
Hi, Dr. Amy? You're there! Did you get my message? Great! I called again to add just one more thing. but since I have you, can we talk for like 2 minutes? I have a question about one of the affirmations on your website.
I have been dating off and on for about a year now. I met a guy named Steve who I fell hard for -- he was 17 years younger than me. We had amazing chemistry and so much fun together and it all moved very quickly. He was then deployed to Iraq (that is what I get for dating a younger man).
I know you probably mean this question as a compliment. But if that's the case, just tell me I'm pretty or I'm kind or I'm... whatever. Just affirm me for what you see instead of interrogating me about why a man didn't see it, too.
Say yes more. Yes to blind dates, yes to evenings out with friends, yes to the random invite to go ice skating in the park next Saturday, yes to showing your friend's brother around when he's in town next month on business. It's easier to meet people when you actually leave the house.
Something changes when your parents get divorced, when you console your friends after devastating breakups, when an argument changes the course of a relationship and no matter how many apologies happen it's still heading due South.
Choose to be mindful, conscious and attentive about one of your life's most important decisions. Tune in to both sides of your inner dialogue. Bust through the beliefs based on distortion, fear and limitation. Clarity will emerge... just stick with it.
We are intelligent, goal-oriented and determined. We are attractive enough, involved in numerous activities and not too shy. We like to think we have our lives together, that we are people worth knowing, worth being invested in. Yet we are also single.
The movie Jerry McGuire has done a disservice to humankind everywhere for nearly two decades with the famous line: "You. Complete. Me." This line perpetuates the lie of "The Gap." Nobody completes us. We are already complete. I am already complete.
When those of us who are childless by circumstance -- and the majority of childless women want or wanted children within the context of a relationship -- don't speak honestly about our experience, we continue to remain the silent majority.