Roese did not know that her entire apartment was destroyed until the next day. Up to the point where she went back to the East Village on Friday, she believed that she would be able to walk through the skeleton of the building to see what she could salvage. When she went back, she witnessed the collapsed building in total ruin. She had lost everything.
Experiencing grief-as many of us have from the Sassoon tragedy- means understanding that there is something larger than our rational minds, understanding that God's sheet music looks entirely different than ours and whose 'building code' will never make sense to us as long as we are corporeal beings; and it means that we can live more fully if we can accept this.
Guns and grief are a bad combination. Our judgment is clouded and undone in moments of aggrieved passion; we are least suited at such times to take on the roles of both jury and judge, leaving aside the illegality of such vigilantism. We may, in the throes of passion, misconstrue causes and misdirect blame. But we may hope to live through such moments, and see in a calmer, clarifying light.
It's moments like these that can cause even the most levelheaded and peaceful person to feel angry and disillusioned with the state of the world. That may sound dramatic, but it's true. More than the indignation or the confusion, however, I think each of us feels an overwhelming sense of helplessness.