Usually, we are not, in fact, upset about the facts. We are upset about our interpretations of the facts, and particularly, when we take these facts to mean we are being attacked or rejected in some way.
Perception is reality to the average human. That is deeper than it sounds. It means that every single person has their own version of "reality" or what they would call the "truth" based on their perceptions.
We can't possibly know what is going on inside someone else's head and thoughts -- even though we know someone really well. It's always better to check. And the best way to check is by asking questions.
A primary cause of incivility in public discourse emanates from arrogating to ourselves the role of Judge. On this the Jewish tradition is clear: we are not the Judge. At our best, as my friend pointed out, we may be a teacher.