THE BLOG
05/12/2014 11:27 am ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Reality Check: You May Never Find Someone

It's a picturesque Saturday morning in Palm Springs. I am gently swaying on a cozy swinging bench, watching birds in the orange trees in the reflection of the placid pool water in front of me. The aroma of ripe oranges and sounds of nearby water fountains mixed with chirping birds perfects the scene. In this setting I cannot help but think about how inspiring and amazing my friend Bruce is who owns this exquisite little home that he calls his, "little desert retreat." Bruce is an amazing man, but what inspires me most about him is that it's abundantly clear that he's happy, in love with his life, and unlike so many others, perfectly content being single.

As the co-founder of a leading relationship-focused gay and lesbian dating site, OneGoodLove.com, what I am about to say may come as a shock to you: You may never find someone. No matter how hard you try, how many dating sites you subscribe to, how many dates you go on, how many frogs you kiss, the unfortunate statistical truth is that not everyone finds the man or woman of his or her dreams. You may wonder why I would say that. My only intention in divulging that harsh reality is to have it serve as the catalyst for you yourself coming to the realization that regardless of your relationship status, you can be happy, whole, and in love with your life.

Too many of my friends, people I talk to, and profiles I read of members on my dating site believe that in order to be happy they need to find a partner or meet someone. Some people go as far as acting desperate, miserable, and unhappy admittedly as a result (in their own minds) of being single. These unfortunate people would argue that it's a "chicken before the egg" dilemma, where they could only possibly be happy after they were to find someone. For you singles out there dredging through a meager existence due to your relationship status, I have another reality check: You aren't going to attract anything but other dredgers to console you in your solitude.

When I hear the majority of my friends and countless members of my LGBT dating site talk about the kind of man or woman they're looking for, usually the following words sum it up: successful, happy, attractive, sexy, committed, talented, etc. What many people fail to realize is that in regards to people in this ideal contingent, opposites do not attract. They are often looking for a life partner with similar characteristics. Regardless of your level of optimism or pessimism in being single, I invite you to consider that doing whatever it takes to make yourself happy, whole, content, and in love with your life, just may be what's missing in making your search for the man or woman of your dreams a successful endeavor.

Only you know what it would be necessary to take on my invitation. I would, however, love to hear what you think it would take. What would make you happy and loving your life as a single person? If you're already in a relationship, what could you do to make yourself happy and in love with your life inside your existing relationship? If you are single and take on this challenge I assure you the results of this challenge have a happy ending, weather you find someone or not. Happy hunting!

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