Plan B

The Republicans disguised as the Food and Drug Administration have once again put Plan B in a filing cabinet but they cannot remember which one. Plan B, in case you can’t remember, is the emergency, day-after contraceptive a woman may take if she lets the pleasure principle trump the family planning principle.

The Republicans who get their marching orders from on very high want all women to have babies. This goes deeper than a fear there will not be enough of them to kiss come campaign time. They are driven by a conviction that the earth is underpopulated, an opinion which they share with corporate farm managers, out-sourcers and people looking for inexpensive help in the garden.

Hence the Republicans bounce around putting pin pricks (no pun exactly intended) in condoms, pouring birth control pills down the toilet and generally doing all they can think up to promote fecundity. It hasn’t yet occurred to them that the best method is to start a war on the American Dream which is usually taken to mean a comfy life with a house, several cars and the contents of a Costco. American Dreamers don’t have children. That’s a statistical fact. They are notoriously bad at going forth to multiply.

Often when they do get around to multiplying they’re in their fifties and have to buy other people’s eggs and rent other people’s wombs and it still ends up more American Dream type expenditures than baby production.

The big league begatters of this world are poor. Ask the Chinese. Even though they have come up in the world of late and are proclaiming the Chinese Dream they are still babifying at a rate which can only be described as tasteless. In order to increase the production of dwelling units and lower baby production the Communists who run the country are dead set against freedom of choice which ought to please Republicans who are also against freedom of choice but doesn’t. When people have more than one baby in China, they come around to tie tubes and perform a vasectomy. They force women to have abortions.

Force is not needed to solve the problem in China or here, just a foreign trade-off. We teach the Chinese how to get rich so that they will stop having babies and they teach us how to get poor so that we start having them again.