No Sex Until After the Election

I am taking a vow of celibacy until the election of the next president, and I encourage you to do likewise. Don't have what reasonable people consider "sex"-- that is, I'm not just going by Bill Clinton's definition here -- before we know whether we've elected Obama or McCain to the White House. Reasons why:

• Time-sensitivity. Your free time in the days between now and the election is better spent working on the campaign than on having sex with people or trying to convince them to have sex with you. I cannot completely disavow carnal thoughts, but I can pledge to be mostly doing useful things while such thoughts meander through my head. You can, too. For example, calling voters in battleground states (you can think about sex while doing this, but don't talk about it). Or canvassing. I'm going to Pennsylvania to help get out the vote. I'll be going door to door, I think, unless they give me something different to do. Because I actually care quite a lot about who gets elected this year, I'll be much more interested in doing a good job than in having sex with other campaign workers (or random Pennsylvanians).

• Superstition. Before the Super Bowl, Tom Brady holed up with that supermodel, and look what happened. Gandhi was having sex right when his father died, and he always felt pretty rotten about that (and about sex in general). If Obama loses and you were having sex at the time (or in the days before, when you could have been calling swing voters), how will you feel?

• Consolation. Indeed, if Obama loses, it will be an incredibly good time to tap into all that pent-up sexual energy. You'll be able to at least briefly obliterate your sense of devastation by throwing yourself into frenzied sexual congress until you collapse in a strange delirium of satiety and despair.

• Catharsis. And what if Obama wins (as he well ought, at this point; but then again, Democrats are so good at losing)? Then you get to express your jubilation by having long-awaited celebratory sex with another, or several other, similarly elated individuals (console McCain voters at your discretion). What a pleasing and delightful election night scenario: progressives all across America happily, amorously entwined in triumph.

Regardless of the outcome, it's an additional reason to look forward to the evening of November 4th. If there's any sort of prolonged Supreme Court situation, however, I reserve the right to cancel my vow.

Comments

[Guernsey]

If Obama loses then no birth control is good enough to justify the risk of doomed children that any sex we have will bring.

[vipersdad]

Dude - I'm married.... I vaguely remember sex......

No sex until after WHICH election? 2012?

[walk0nwalls]

Unwillfully celibate for 20 years now.

I really need to get laid.

[Awash]

Hey I've already voted, but you guys go ahead. I'll give up Bourbon But SEX. I don't think so.

[berryessence]

damn...i just had some :)

oh well count me out

[maryhaze]

sounds good in theory to a menopausal woman like me, but dh is NOT gonna go for it.....:~)))

[SaintJimmy]

Well, if McCain/Palin wins we're all screwed anyway.

[Just2stressed]

Too funny!!!

[ledzepfan]

Think of all those 07/04/09 BABIES How wonderful would that be!

[gypsysoul111]

the obama boom

[moda31]

barack & michelle should have one

[slowhand0728]

Oh Lordy, Guys have sex as often as you can...Too many people on this site are WAY too wound up. I am fearful what would happen if Obama lost. So go out, make love, get some comfort food, good movie, and get some. Stop looking at the polls every couple of hours. Just give it a break for a little while.

[notthistime]

RAOTFL!

Too funny. Don't know if I could do it though. lol but I will share this with hubby and get his thoughts on participating in the challenge. lol

[ewoman]

I haven't had sex since the Clinton years, so no problem.

[WritingFrontier]

Fine. Until then, let's spend our time contemplating an important number. As in $1,000,000,000,000. As in $1 trillion. What does that number mean to you? See Writing Frontier's piece on this at

http://writingfrontier.com/2008/10/22/one-trillion-dollars/

[DragonBuddha06]

the only flaw in this logic is that these two weeks are stressful, and sex is such a great stress relief... hmmm... small conundrum there...

[SILVANUS]

Cool. Maybe Matt Damon will return my call in time to celebrate.

[PuppaX]

I can just see this post's headline on Fox:

"Liberal Strategist Recommends Thinking about Sex to Help Obama"

[MsDebate]

Right, they have nothing to do but see what we are doing.