Justin Bieber makes me sick. He's so YouTube. How can somebody so clearly pre-pubescent sing about things so overtly romantic and sexual? The kid rolls up his jacket sleeves, forgive me if I'm not thrilled about calling him my relationship guru. I wonder what his voice is gonna sound like when his balls drop. And how much did they have to pay Ludacris to appear in a video with this playground kid?
I flip the YouTube channel. I hear this "Fred" dude got a movie deal; I'll have to check him out. Plus he has over a million hits so he has to be good. Here it goes. Kill me. This kid's awful. I'd say more but I'm worried you'll look him up and give him more hits, feed the beast.
Close the laptop. It's just gonna piss you off. Some of these kids got record deals, movie deals, meetings with Judd Apatow. Some of them are making money. All of them think they're in the entertainment industry. Close the laptop.
And so go many of my Internet experiences that somehow all inevitably end with me re-watching that damn sneezing panda, that chubby Star Wars kid or adorable Charlie biting his big brother's finger. It's like I can't open the computer without watching something absurd or idiotic. I can't tell you how much time I waste on fat kids on rollercoasters, farting news anchors and red carpet nipple slips. It's ruining my mind. Each kick in the nuts I see on the web represents one step closer to me becoming a character in Mike Judge's Idiocracy.
This isn't my generation; I won't let us go down like that. We have good taste. We're so The Dark Knight, we're the ones that loved There Will be Blood. We're Jason Bourne - sleek, cool, efficient, tech savvy. We don't waste time. We're killing machines. It got me thinking...
That's when my older (and smarter) brother helped me realize this staggering parody between what we as young people create versus what we consume. He cited shows like Breaking Bad and Mad Men, movies like The Hurt Locker and The Bourne Ultimatum to emphasize how real entertainment seems to be losing its pretense and is actually focusing on entertaining. It's really this new media stuff that's tripping us up. Kids with cameras are confusing us. Who are our entertainers? What is entertainment?
Now I am the first to admit that funny is funny, good is good, scary is scary. I'm not trying to take anything away from aspiring artists who actually have what it takes and, in the infancy stages of their career have taken to these new exciting platforms to get their names out. I'm all for grassroots, power to the artist. But I'm not talking about the artists, I'm talking about the non-talented people that we still find ourselves watching - the kid without a real singing voice who only does Coldplay covers, the painfully lame sketch comedians. I'm talking to you, made up YouTube journalist, you, girl who thinks we care how her hair looks each day on Daily Booth.
The truth is that YouTube is primarily a fun place for the non-professionals to play, and while we may feel the unnecessary need to exploit ourselves on it and on similar platforms, it's obvious that real entertainment should be (and for the most part is) left to the big boys and girls. That's why we still pay to see movies, that's why entertainment is still a competitive and romantic field - because not everybody can do it.
So, despite what you may think, we of the broadcast generation have a very high standard for our storytelling.
You're probably wondering, "Am I in the broadcast generation?" Well, do you tweet, Facebook, blog, or text incessantly? Do you broadcast yourself to anyone who will watch despite lacking a discernible skill set or glaring talent? Do you play Foursquare - a game that begs the question "who gives a fuck?" Then yes. You are a part of the broadcast generation.
But my point is not to rag on you (us), my point is to assure the rest of the world that our sporadic, self important, Hail Mary approach to communication and self exposure actually stands in direct contrast to what we like in our movies and television shows.
Ask the Academy. They just handed their heaviest statue to The Hurt Locker, the grittiest toughest movie of the year; a movie that wasted no time, a taut, suspenseful and deliberate movie, one without much pretense or bullshit. I'm telling you, we love that stuff. My theory? We've desensitized ourselves. We have broken a cardinal rule of entertainment (in fairness we are the first generation to face this rule). The rule is: just because you can broadcast yourself doesn't mean you should. We watch so much bad stuff, so many douche bags with guitars, so many unfunny "viral" videos. Too much Andy Samberg. Just because content is available, doesn't mean content is good. Just because your rip off of Paranormal Activity was cheap and available online doesn't mean it's scary. So even though you think you're going to make it because your Funny or Die short got 1,500 views, you're not and all you're doing is lowering our standards. Eventually we're going to reach our threshold, and I think we're getting closer. I think that what we are about to experience can be boiled down into one, simple, made up term: Viral Backlash.
I assure you, we have taste. The elders are thinking: "This coming from the kids who put themselves on the internet lighting farts on fire and Tweet about how dope their five dollar foot longs are." But give me a chance. I think that what you'll find is that we surround ourselves with some much bullshit, so much useless communication and overexposure that when it comes to the stories we want on screen - we want them airtight and substantial.
I can only hope that The Hurt Locker's win on Sunday indicates that Hollywood is going more story less glam, more plot less quirk. So to those Hollywood professionals that are keeping it tight and right - keep up the good work. Leave the bad stuff to us, we'll take care of it. In fact, a couple friends and I are shooting a short this weekend; I'll send you the link. It's gonna be horrible, but hey, it'll be out there.
Follow Nick Kreiss on Twitter: www.twitter.com/nickkreiss
Keep writing Nick Kreiss as I think you are funny, erudite, have great ability to make us laugh at ourselves, and look inward.
Keep writing!
Great insight and so true!!!!
And some may argue that this kid has launched a movie career? No way. I give it 6 months.