I'm very flattered by the invitation to contribute to these pages, and a little trepidatious, since I am not a particularly intelligent person.
I lacked the intellect, for example, to understand that eminent thinker and philosopher Sharon Stone when she suggested a month or so ago that the earthquake in China was caused by the actions of the Chinese government in Tibet. I'm sure Ms. Stone can explain how tectonic plates might possess a political consciousness and engage in activism for a particular cause, but frankly I confess it's too much for my limited IQ.
(Mind you, we can surely all understand why the Chinese are acting as they are in Tibet--the Dalai Lama is a test for anyone's patience isn't he? All that serenity and altruistic goodwill oozing out of him like he thinks he's some kind of living God.)
I can also understand why Sharon Stone said what she said: Everyone's looking for signs that the world makes sense. It's less scary that way. That's why, last year, when we had terrible floods in Britain (yes, I know, extreme weather over here too; it's almost as if there's something happening to the climate worldwide, isn't it?) the Bishop of Carlisle said the floods happened because we're too tolerant of homosexuality.
Good to have it all explained by an expert, I suppose.
But like everyone else, the Bishop just feels frightened by chaos and wishes he could find some kind of rhyme and reason in it all somewhere somehow; any kind will do. Karma, angry homophobic deities, astrological birth charts....doesn't matter. Conspiracy theorists will grab onto a bleak and evil plan. Might be a bad thing, but it's a thing that makes sense of things--and that's the main thing. (Although I've heard--and I shouldn't really be telling you this, which is why I'm whispering--that most conspiracy theories are deliberately put out to distract people from finding the truth. But it's only a theory.)
You'll even encounter atheists who say "Everything happens for a reason." (Although this type of atheist is akin to the vegetarian who eats fish. And chicken. And cheese made with animal rennet. Come to think, they're often the same people.)
I digress.
When one of these carnivore vegetarian atheist crystal-hugging Gandalf wannabes tries to tell me Everything Happens for a Reason, I like to smile, nod slowly as if I am taking on board the full beauty and reassuring depth of their sagacity, and then I like to slap them. And politely push the astrological chart they have painstakingly prepared Up. Their. Arse. To hint gently that I don't set too much store by that kind of thing either.
Then they say, "What did you do that for?"
And I say, "Well, you tell me... everything happens for a reason, doesn't it?
It annoys me is why. Just....just grow up and stop pretending life is anything other than cruel, random and unjust. (Not saying that should stop us from enjoying it by the way; trick is to laugh at our powerlessness. Gives us power, that does. Embrace our mortality, our smallness, relax, and enjoy the whole ride.) Damn, looks like one of those hippy atheists been brainwashing me in my sleep.
Maybe in a Hollywood movie script, everything happens for a reason: The Bad Thing happens somewhere in Act One so that the hero can grow and cause the Good Thing to happen at the end of Act Three and wreak vengeance on the Evil Person who caused the Bad Thing and everyone can go home happy that natural justice ultimately prevailed.
But real life? Be honest, if there were any justice, if the world really did conform to a plan, then how come most of us know deep down, that despite everything, it is entirely possible Donald Rumsfeld might end up dying peacefully and painlessly in his sleep? Instead of in a friendly fire incident, followed by an inquiry where the pilot responsible for accidentally dropping the cluster bomb on that Rumsfeld-Bush family wedding would petulantly throw up his hands, shrug his shoulders and say, "Freedom's messy. Stuff happens."
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