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Interracial Dating in 2012 and What Paul Ryan's Ex Means

Posted: 09/06/2012 4:21 pm

Last week, UK's Daily Mail reported that vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan's ex-girlfriend of ten years is African-American. It's ironic that Ryan, who once claimed he'd experienced racism first-hand because of it, is now running on a ticket that uses race to divide and conquer as adeptly as George H.W. Bush used Willie Horton.

In fact, the Republican party has done more to create racial divisiness in the last four years than any time in the last two decades. When Anne Romney took to the podium last Thursday night, with her perfectly quaffed helmet of blonde hair and stated, "We are taking our country back," I couldn't help but feel that the subtext was: "We're taking it back from Obama and the blacks."

Paul Ryan's relationship with Deneeta Pope was in the early 90s, the same decade that Carol Moseley Braun became the first African-American woman to be elected to the United States Senate and Oprah Winfrey became the most successful media mogul on TV. Interracial dating might still have been taboo to some, but it seemed like as a nation, we were making strides towards racial tolerance in our personal lives -- even if structural and institutional racism prevailed.

Ryan's party affiliation -- and his seeming political shift from his days of crossing the racial divide and rocking to Rage Against the Machine -- got me thinking. Have attitudes about interracial dating changed for the new generation, for the men and women like Paul Ryan, who grew up on hip-hop as a mainstream cultural phenomenon, lived their entire lives in the post-civil rights era and now have Obama as their president?

The good news is yes, they have changed and old racist attitudes are diminishing. According to a the latest study by PEW Research Center, America is at 83% approval rating of interracial relationships. (93% of Millennials support it). Forty years ago, it was 25%.

But has interracial dating gone post-racial? Not exactly, says Dr. Jerry Mendelsohn, Ph.D., professor of psychology at UC Berkeley, lead author of a recent study that looked at online dating racial preferences. When it comes to interracial dating, whites, for the most part, stay within their race. The study, which was conducted between 2009 and 2011, looked at both stated preferences and behavior of whites and African-Americans.

"Overall," said Mendelsohn, "whites stated a preference for a partner of the same race and behaved in that way." The reluctance of whites to contact blacks on online dating sites was true even for those who claimed they were indifferent to race. This was true across age ranges.

"Conversely," Mendelsohn adds, those who said they were indifferent to the race of a partner were most likely to be young, male and black. Although black participants initiated contact to members of their own race more than to whites, they were ten times more likely to contact whites than vice-versa. Researchers also tracked the respondents once they received a message from a potential partner. Again, whites were most likely to respond to members of their own race, and only 5% (of both men and women) responded.

Why do whites still prefer to date within their race? "We can't say for sure," says Mehdelsohn. What's interesting is that younger (18-30) whites are more likely to state that they are open to dating African-Americans, even if their behavior doesn't support it. "It seems that while segregation doesn't exist in reality, psychologically, many whites act as if it does."

"We're a ways off to being in a post-racial era with dating," says Mendelson, but he remains hopeful because the data on reciprocation is more encouraging than the data on the initiation of contacts. "It appears that crossing the racial boundary is very difficult, especially for whites, but once the boundary has been crossed, i.e., once participants have been contacted by someone of a different race or ethnicity, they are more open to the possibility of an interracial date."

Or could it be whites of this generation, particularly those who deploy modern day means of hooking up, are as close-minded when it comes to interracial dating today as they were in the 1990s?

Bakari Kitwana, author of the forthcoming book Hip-Hop Activism in the Obama Era (Third World Press) and Why White Kids Love Hip-Hop (Basic/Civitas) says it's a leap to suggest that white kids are more close-minded today. However, he does believe that since Obama's presidency, race relations have grown more contentious, in part because the right wing is not afraid to play the race card.

"The conservative analysis of race has become normalized in public discourse," adds Kitwana. "As a result, racial division and animosity as well as conservative ideas about race have come to permeate talk shows, comments on blogs, opinion polls and online dating sites."

If Kitwana is right, even though there have been positive shifts in national values toward cultural understanding, post-racial America is not here. Paul Ryan's past relationship and the online dating study further prove we still have a long way to go in unraveling the complexities of race in America.

 

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Last week, UK's Daily Mail reported that vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan's ex-girlfriend of ten years is African-American. It's ironic that Ryan, who once claimed he'd experienced racism first-han...
Last week, UK's Daily Mail reported that vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan's ex-girlfriend of ten years is African-American. It's ironic that Ryan, who once claimed he'd experienced racism first-han...
 
 
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06:17 PM on 09/11/2012
Interesting discussion. One thing that seems to remain a constant, even as we see measurable signs of progress, is the "complexities of race in America". That there is still a need to struggle against "racial division and animosity" is a sad reality. Those who are responsible for that division and animosity are, of course, the last to know it or be troubled by it. But in our shared humanity is to be found the capacity to know, to be troubled, and to heal the divisions and end the animosity. For all of our imperfections, I still believe we are the "solution" and we are eventually going to toss the "conservative analysis of race" into the trash bin of history. A post-racial era is inevitable as is the explosiveness of the flameout of old hatreds just before they become extinct.
11:07 PM on 09/09/2012
In my opinion, it has to do with a person's heart condition and if you are decent, honest, sincere, truthful, righteous and have courage. If you truly love someone and want to sincerely be with that person, you will weather through rough times. Interracial relationships and marriages that have lasted were tested and they were persecuted by society. They loved each other deeply and were determined to continue being together and make it last. Paul Ryan's ambition, to rise to the top in politics, made him decide that a permanent, interracial relationship or marriage would hold him back. To be with someone for (10) years and give that person up for politics, makes one wonder about Paul Ryan. More than likely, Ryan, Romney and the Republican party are hoping that the ex-girfriend keep a low profile and turn down interviews, until the election is over. Was he a coward and did not truly love her from his heart? Was it just an experimental, adventurous, passionate, sexual, relationship for (10) years? Like Earth Wind And Fire said, there were "Reasons" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHeM5GUYgZU&feature=fvst
09:53 PM on 09/09/2012
People make a big deal out of interracial dating. So he had a black girlfriend. Why psychoanalyze it?
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09:35 PM on 09/09/2012
is now running on a ticket that uses race to divide and conquer "" That is what team obama does and is doing.
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Barbara Saunders
Writer, SF Bay Area transplant from NY
01:10 AM on 09/09/2012
There's a flaw, I think, in using dating sites as the main source of data. I imagine there are people who would date people of another race whom they met as a dorm mate or at a friend's party but who would not pick out strangers of another race on a dating site.
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ginadeoliveira2008
Seen a shooting star tonight and I thought of you
07:52 PM on 09/08/2012
So this contemptible conservative has been with an African American for ten years! All this time while affiliated to the Republican party?
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Absolute
Teacher and Old-School Liberal
06:10 PM on 09/08/2012
Two of the cops who tortured Abner Louima had black girlfriends. Having a black partner is not proof that someone, particularly a white man, is free of bias, bigotry and racism.

For the life of me I will never understand why the existence of interracial relationships is such an important subject to so many people. It's mostly irrelevant and does virtually nothing to change racial attitudes.

As far as black men being the most willing to date outside of their race is concerned I really don't care. But I do think SOME of them have issues with inferiority. That's not hard to understand in a society where black men are not valued.
02:26 PM on 09/08/2012
"It's ironic that Ryan, who once claimed he'd experienced racism first-hand because of it, is now running on a ticket that uses race to divide and conquer as adeptly as George H.W. Bush used Willie Horton.

In fact, the Republican party has done more to create racial divisiness in the last four years than any time in the last two decades. When Anne Romney took to the podium last Thursday night, with her perfectly quaffed helmet of blonde hair and stated, "We are taking our country back," I couldn't help but feel that the subtext was: "We're taking it back from Obama and the blacks."

:O

Does the author not realize that SHE is in fact the one practicing racial division? I mean, is this the best the libs can do? Saying "we want to take our country back" is the best example of racism she can muster?

What about "they want to put y'all back in chains"?
What about chris matthews spewing racial hate on a nightly basis?
What about the racist buttons people were wearing at the democrats convention?
What about pretending that asking for photo ID to vote is racist?

What about those, and the many, many more actual examples of racial division coming from the left?
12:11 AM on 09/09/2012
exactly...ignorant, character assassination...hard to find serious journalists that don't "bend" what they witness and hear to fit their own ideologies
09:37 PM on 09/27/2012
Are you for real? Are you one of those blacks who think they have "arrived" because you're allowed to sit with the big white boys? Get off it and tell me, what do you think your white friends call you behind your back? Oh, they don't have to do it behind your back because they can talk about you right to your face? Who do you think GOP garbage is talking about? You think they ain't talking about you--why? Because you're so willing to lick their ass? Well when you finish you'll be out the door. I hope you're young so when you get kicked out (from the workplace, or partner) you realize that you're nothing but a ni....and always will be. You don't like Matthews but please tell me you don't subscribe to O'Reilly or Coulter in your quest to be the good darkie. When they've done with you and don't need you anymore your by by.. Do you notice any blacks at GOP besides the help?. The one constant about black GOP is that they never are concerned about the being the house ni.....until it doesn't work anymore. Go ask all the "successful" black folks what happened to them as they climbed the latter? Why did they get slammed just before getting to the top, why, because the big boys didn't need them. You will follow suit, so before it happens get a clue.
02:19 PM on 09/08/2012
I agree with another poster that stated that many whites do not have any real friends of different races. I believe many whites believe they are not biased, racist, or are accepting of others because they have that one black co-worker or political colleague that they speak to every once in a while. I have friends of various races; two of my best girlfriends are black (one Nigerian and the other African American) and I always think it is interesting how other whites react. Like one time I was out with my Nigerian girlfriend at a bar and we were having drinks. One of the guys that was trying to talk to me kept asking me if she was my co-worker; it was very strange. I told him that she was my best friend who I grew up with in daycare and he was like "wow, really" like the daycare is setup to have whites on one side and blacks on the other. Needless to say, I gave him a fake number.
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marcusisyoung
12:51 AM on 09/10/2012
"One of the guys that was trying to talk to me kept asking me if she was my co-worker; it was very strange. I told him that she was my best friend who I grew up with in daycare and he was like "wow, really" like the daycare is setup to have whites on one side and blacks on the other."

My white friends have encountered that time and time again. Some people just couldn't get over that my friend would have a very close black friend. It's weird.
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jbchartford
10:05 AM on 09/08/2012
Bottom line...The majority of white people will CHOOSE some black friends with no problem.But the elephant in the room is that AS A WHOLE, most white people do NOT respect or embrace blacks AS A WHOLE.Outside of sports,entertainment and music,the gap between the cultures is VERY wide.There is not a person in America who has not had the race issue to deal with on a daily basis since birth.Its like Chinese water torture.That ALONE is reason for people to have angst every time they are reminded of it.IMO,most people dont date outside their race because who needs the hassle?
04:26 PM on 09/07/2012
I don't think Paul Ryan's dating a black woman had any impact on his prejudices. What I've found in many cases of this type whites who date blacks may like them individually but still hold irrational stereotypes of the group as a whole. He may have loved his girlfriend for who she was, but may not have loved the fact that she was a sort if a community that he had probably been taught to resent. Also she may also have been a republican and shared his views. Ironically enough as a democratic candidate he would have gotten more support with a black wife than as a republican.
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Seattle Noir
I'm not a chocolate dipped white girl.
11:43 AM on 09/08/2012
Exactly she "wasn't like them" is the rationale
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marcusisyoung
12:52 AM on 09/10/2012
B I N G O
03:13 PM on 09/07/2012
All you Whites out there with Black "friends" go look through your picture albums, let's see one with you and a Black that's not at a company or political function. That's what I thought. LOL
05:30 PM on 09/07/2012
and your album is just overflowing, I presume...
03:11 PM on 09/07/2012
Dating and attraction isn't so much about making a consious choice of what we want to like or not it just happens. You can't make some sort of social statement, you are just attracted to and turned on naturally. Some people prefer tall women, they didn't make a consious choice of "hmm I think I only want to be attracted to this type"..it just happens. Its just preference. I have a very good friend, blonde hair blue eyed white guy from CT, he loves dark skinned women. He wasn't making any sort of racial/social statement it was just what naturally happened for him.
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Jay Daterman
Dump The Teapot
02:54 PM on 09/07/2012
I can only address this from a gay standpoint but my ex (who is black) and I never were hassled due to being interacial which rather surprised me as there is some racism present in gay society although perhaps less so than in straight society. I did not give race a second thought when we met in San Fransisco as I found him attractive and we had lots of fun together and are both politically and socially progressive. I had had quite a few black friends prior to that time when I lived in Long Beach so that may have made things easier from my standpoint. He encountered occasional wise remarks from black aquaintances when we would be at bars in SF although he explained to me that they were from b'chy queens he knew so that was likely their standard nature. Later we lived in more conservative areas of California where he would encounter racism which infuriated me but never due to our being interacial. I did encounter a problem in Dallas in 1990 though when I had the temerity to go into a hoity toity white gay yuppie bar with my Mexican bf. We got lousy service and I was later told I should not come to the bar with him anymore. Needless to say I never patronized that place again as I want not truck with racism. Overall I think things are improving.
01:02 PM on 09/07/2012
IMO this is a difficult subject to quantify because 1) folks are not always honest and 2) one's perception may change once you're actually confronted with the possibility.
In college several members of my fraternity were athletes who attracted a fair number of groupies. One semester the star basketball player had a white friend who was a frequent overnight guest at the frat house. 20 years later at a charity function I sat at a table with her and her white banker husband. She didn't remember me and claimed not to remember my frat brother, People who didn't even know him remember him, he was the leading scorer and is now in the school's athletic hall of fame. It's hard to believe she completely erased him and their frequent "interactions" from her memory bank. I'm sure there are many who dated outside of their race but won't admit it.
The 2nd point is 'you don't know what you don't know". A conservative white colleague always lusted after the blonde haired, blue eyed type. It was his stated preference. 5 years ago he met an Asian woman and fell in love. They are now married. if you asked his feeling on interracial dating prior to meeting her, chances are he would've been against it. Who you date is such an individual thing, often perceived preferences are thrown out the window when you meet the one that rocks your world.
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Shaun Hensley
The American Experiment has failed
04:12 PM on 09/07/2012
lol women always bury their sexual history, that's not a function of racism.
04:35 PM on 09/07/2012
Yeah I Also think its a reality v fantasy issue as well. When we're immature we have a check list about who we date what they look like etc but then life happens and we find ourselves faced with reality. Many of us embrace it and find love. Others hold to the fantasy and miss out on amazing people. Your friend grew up and put love over fantasy