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Nicole Breedlove Headshot

Should I Pay for a Date Simply Because I Am the Stud?

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When I go out on a date, I always have the same dilemma: pay for the dinner or go dutch? Because I am a masculine-identified woman, I usually end up paying. If she invites me out, I pay. If I invite her, I pay. I am what you would consider old-fashioned. I believe in courting, going on dates, getting that nervous first kiss and asking the awkward questions to find out if you're even sexually compatible with me.

I don't mind paying for the date. Actually, I usually do pay. I think the last time a femme paid for me was four years ago. That was the best damn steak I've ever eaten in my life! What I do have a problem with is feminine women who think that just because they are femme, they should not pay for anything, ever. They have a sense of entitlement because of their label. They believe that being a femme gives them a God-given right to enjoy freebies. Wearing heels, makeup and smelling good is a lifetime pass to free drinks, dinners, concerts and vacations. Lately women aren't even faking it. They don't even offer to pay anymore. Some don't even say "thank you." How rude!

You can't have it both ways. You can't proclaim and brag that you are a modern, grown woman who pays her own bills and don't need anyone to do anything for her, and then, when it comes to paying for dinner, talk about how you are the femme and shouldn't have to pay. If you are a modern woman, then prove it. Pay the damn bill!! If you prefer to be old-fashioned and want me to pay the bill, then no problem. When we get home, I want to keep it old-fashioned: You are solely responsible for cooking, cleaning and all the domestic responsibilities.

I blame both masculine-identified women and femmes for this. And yes, I am an equal-opportunity blamer, since there is enough to go around.

Masculine-identified women/studs, I blame you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with spoiling and treating a woman well, but her money is as good as yours. Call me Sunshine Anderson, because I've heard it all before: Your date will think you're broke, you will appear cheap, she will not look at you like a "real" stud if you ask her to pay, it is only right to let the stud pay for dinner, etc., etc. Is her perception of you more important than who you really are? More importantly, lest we not forget, we are two women on a date. Don't just dress aggressively: Behave aggressively. Get a backbone and ask her to pay. It is not your responsibility to pay simply because you are more masculine.

Femmes, I blame you too! Wipe the dust off that purse and offer sometimes. If someone is regularly paying for you, how about offering to at least leave a tip? Or if your date paid the first time, then pay this time. And don't ask permission. Just give your credit card or cash to the waiter. Yes, you are a lady and should be treated like one -- no one is disputing that -- but paying for dinner won't make you lose your Miss America crown. Show your appreciation by letting her know that not only are you a"grown woman" but you have the manners of one too!

Some may disagree with my philosophy. Others may applaud it. Ultimately, it is your choice as to what you will or will not tolerate. I, for one, am getting annoyed with the sense of entitlement that some femmes have not earned based on their femininity alone.