Dear Mr. West,
It seems the MTV Video Music Awards provided yet another platform for you to inform the music industry, press and fans about why you are an authority on all things music...and life in general. We recognize your great accomplishments and applaud you for such strides. However, after you disrespected a teenage girl onstage at the VMAs, it's clear you need my help. And if the blogosphere is any indication of where your career is headed, we suggest you take a few pointers about getting to the top...and staying there.
Rules according to a Girl on Top:
Keep your mouth shut. Now that you've made a jackass of yourself, lay low. The last thing you want to do is remind everyone via Twitter of your mighty indiscretion. Upstaging 17-year-old girls? Really?
Alcohol should never be your main accessory...especially at industry events. We hear that you were lugging around a Hennessey bottle on the red carpet. Perhaps the extra intake of alcohol is what blurred the lines between common courtesy and common sense. May I recommend taking a back seat when bottle service is provided? In fact, here's a general rule of thumb for you to follow: If it requires a follow-up apology on Twitter with the words "sippy sippy," try avoiding it altogether.
Watch your weight. In this case it's not the size of your ass we're worried about, it's your head. You seem to pop up at every award show with something show-stopping to say, but may I remind you that the only award you won last was being that guy at the event. And for such award, musical credentials are not needed.
Let others have their moment of glory. The ladder of success has room for more than one to climb, Mr. West. And although you've been on top quite a few times, let's not forget that it's a long hard fall back down to the bottom, where you'll likely be once everyone writes you off as nothing more than heartless.
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