THE BLOG
05/20/2013 12:26 pm ET Updated Jul 15, 2013

No Longer the Girl Next Door

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In Steel Magnolias, Dolly Parton said to Olympia Dukaksis about the mysterious Darryl Hannah Character, "If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past." Everyone has some sort of past, with all sorts of skeletons in the closet, some we occasionally take out just to shake off the cobwebs and to create space back there for more of the past we want to forget instead of internalizing everything which would cause more people to lose their minds more often.

We all have moments we look back and say "what was I thinking." Decisions we wished we had never made, things we've all said, just moments we could rewind and take back but we can't, unfortunately as hard as we do to make up for the past, it's impossible.

Recently someone said to me "You're not the same person you were 10 years ago." How could I be? I've lived through more in 10 years than most people have an entire lifetime, I grew up in every sense and I had leave behind the person I was then, I'm not even the same person I was last month.

In the past few years in terms of the world, I've seen bombings, shootings, all sorts of horrifying things that would make a person completely change their views on the world. I admit to having a cynical view of the world but also having a positive view because I've also seen more acts of heroism and bravery than ever.

I admit between the ages of 16 to say 23 I didn't give a damn about anyone or anything but myself, my problems and my issues. If it didn't involve me, I didn't care. I pretty much gave selfish a whole new meaning and I admit, I let my mouth do the talking in every situation which meant steamrolling anyone in my general direction.

But I got sick and realized in doing my infusion, I became more aware of people in the same ward but fighting different battles, some with the same disorder I have, others with cancer. It's something very few people have seen or dealt with, almost a sobering situation. I've learned about the struggle to just live moment to moment and not worry about inconsequential things. Also I've become an actual adult with more than just a dim view of the world.

Am I proud of the person I was before I drank the water and got sick, absolutely not but I am aware of how I managed to grow up in four short years.

Has there been something that made you change the way you look at life and views of the world?

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